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The truth is we only have control over a finite number of things in life. The rest is a fucking crap shoot. Kandi Steiner
What I don’t realize is that I’ll be fighting the urge to stare at Jasper Gervais for years to come.
“I mean, you look beautiful,” I rush out, grimacing when I note her eyes widening. “You always do. You just don’t look . . . happy?”
Plus, I remember how Sloane looks at a man when she really wants him. And she isn’t looking at her fiancé the way she used to look at me.
“Maybe if I drink enough of these”—I lift the six-pack, feeling a little loopy—“I’ll invite you to join me.”
“That’s probably what you tell all the girls, Gervais.” “Nah, Sunny. You’re my only girl.”
No, Sloane doesn’t need my approval. But goddamn, she has it anyway.
I drift off staring at the crystal-blue water. Daydreaming about the girl with crystal-blue eyes.
“Oh, I’ll go down, Winthrop. But I’m taking you with me.”
Because I’ve been staring at Jasper Gervais since I was ten years old, and suddenly . . . he’s staring back.
That’s another side of him few people get to see. And I think I like that about him too. He doesn’t give his attention away willy-nilly. He doesn’t absently hum along to what you’re saying while scrolling on his phone. If you have Jasper Gervais’s attention, you’ve got it all, and that’s because he wants you to have it. He doesn’t just listen to me. He hears me. He sees me. And there’s something precious about that, the way he can look at someone and make them feel like the only person in the room. He’s not showy, he’s not the life of the party, but he knows how to make a person feel special,
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Jasper: I don’t like talking to people. Sloane: You talk to me. Jasper: You’re not people. Sloane: Lmao. What am I then? Jasper: My person.
I hate losing . . . and yet, to see him smile like that, I’d lose over and over again. I’d sit on a cold roof. I’d dance in the rain. I’d go on a road trip and drink shitty beer and eat greasy foods. For Jasper I’d do anything. Except actually tell him that.
“You’re perfect the way you are, Sloane. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
“I wash my face with bodywash.”
No Jasper no!!
Gotta say, the first place my head goes is not to beauty products.
“I can’t ever lose you,” he growls. “You won’t,” I reply quietly, right as the tip of his nose traces the shell of my ear. “I might.” “Nev—” Before I can say never, he cuts me off with, “Because I think I’m about to fuck everything up between us.” And then he kisses me.
Yay yay yay yay
He ghosts a kiss over my damp, puffy lips and guides my ear to his mouth. “When I say so,” he rasps.
Harvey: Come on. Give me something. One bed or two? Jasper: Talk to you later.
Ha I love daddy Eaton so much
I don’t know why after years of keeping my mouth shut, I’m now blurting this all out. Most likely, it’s because I saw our lives flash before my eyes back there. When I looked over at Sloane beside me and saw her beautiful blue eyes clamped shut, fingers gripping the seat, shoulders scrunched up to her ears, I realized it could be my last moment with her. My last moment and she would never know what she is to me. How much she is to me. That she’s it for me.
That’s a special hell. One I have no intention of living in because I’ve given my demons enough of myself already—they can’t have her too.
Oh Jasper <3
Except for Sunny. She’s the girl I tell everything. The girl who was always there on my worst days and darkest nights. Not because I asked her to be, but just because that’s what we are to each other.
The tingle in my fingers is now an itch to explore every inch of her body, to show her all the ways I want her. Fuck, I want her.
Sloane is soothing. She’s the eye of the storm. True North. Somehow our compasses always bring us back to each other.
She shrugs nonchalantly. “Maybe I will. You don’t tell me what to do, Jasper.” Not yet. But I will.
“He threatened to pull strings with his friend who owns the team and have me cut from the roster if I ever crossed that line with you. He told me to stay far away from you. That he never wanted to see me in your presence alone again.”
Fuck that guy
“Times have changed, Sloane. I’m not scared anymore. You’re not my fucking friend. You’re just mine.”
Dad: Sloane. Answer this fucking phone. NOW. You’re done disrespecting me. And if you’re off gallivanting with that homeless orphan, there will be consequences.
FUCK HIM
My brain might be in bitch mode, but my heart? My heart is in slut mode.
His pupils shift between my eyes before he sighs and says, “It took me a while to figure that out. Years, in fact, to sort through my feelings, to make sense of them, figure out where they came from and where they were going. I thought you were just a friend. But him telling me to stay away? Him telling me I couldn’t have you? It broke something inside me. Telling me I wasn’t good enough for you? All that did was make me want to be good enough for you.”
Oh Jasper <3
“See, Sloane? You can wear someone else’s ring, but we both know you’ve always been mine.”
With Sloane the rest of the shit in the world doesn’t matter because when I’m beside her, it always feels right. It soothes me. She soothes me. She always has. She’s that person for me.
Because no matter what else is going on in the world, everything is better with her in my arms.
Willa: I’ll hug Cade for you if you bang Jasper for me. Sloane: When I bang Jasper, I’m banging him for myself. Summer: Ooooooo! Willa: Possessive. I like it. Willa: Wait. Did you say WHEN?!
She’s like Willa. On crack.
Oh gosh I wanna meet her
“I feel like I could crumble under the weight of not wanting to disappoint you. I’m paralyzed by my fear of losing you.”
“It’s always been you, Jasper. It will always be you.”
She smiles, but there’s a flash of sadness in her eyes. An instant shot to my chest. “Jasper, it feels like I’ve been crawling after you for years. This is nothing new for me.”
Sloane laughs. She’s light and bright. She’s Sunny. She makes me smile so hard my cheeks hurt. I can’t take my eyes off of her.
Cade: Want to come over for a delicious home-cooked meal tonight? Would love to see you! Jasper: Why are you talking all weird like that? Cade: Like what? Jasper: Nevermind. I’ll ask Sloane. Cade: Are you guys banging yet? Jasper: Jesus, Willa. Give Cade his phone back.
I fucking love her haha
It doesn’t matter what I say or what I do—what I like. She just rises up to meet me. Turns to putty in my hands while I kiss her senseless before sending her into the penthouse she shared with her ex mere weeks ago.
It also feels good when I slide my hand down and take a big handful of her Levi’s-clad ass while winking over my shoulder at that red blinking light. Because I know Sterling Woodcock will check these tapes.
yesssssss
Jasper: How’s my girl? I’ll be back tonight. Meet you at the ranch? Sloane: Yes. Really good. Especially when you call me that. Jasper: My girl? Sloane: Yeah. Haha. Never thought I’d hear that. Jasper: Sunny, you’ve always been my girl.
Summer: I think we need to do a boozy brunch. Willa: I’m. Pregnant. Summer: It’s not always about you, Willa. Willa: Who else would it be about? Summer: Winter just showed up and asked if we could get coffee. I really want to talk to her. But . . . I don’t know what to talk to her about. I need people to run interference. Willa: You can talk about what a piece of shit her husband is? How cute Theo is? Summer: Not touching any of that with a ten-foot pole. Also, Sloane might be dead. She’s just lying on the floor of my gym staring at the ceiling. Willa: Sloane. Pick up your phone. Death isn’t
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I love them sm <3
If moving on from Jasper Gervais was an option, I’d have done it by now.
“Son, I’m going to tell you something that I’d only say to a man as good as you.” He pauses, eyes scanning my face. “In this instance, you’re being too respectful.”
I love Harvey <3
I hear Harvey’s heavy footfalls as he crosses the room and flops down on the couch beside me. When he plants his hand in the middle of my back, the bridge of my nose stings. “Of what?” “What if I make the wrong choice? What if I put it all on the line and it blows up in my face? What if she realizes I’m not worth it and leaves me? I . . . I’m paralyzed by all the what-ifs. This isn’t just like what if I let a puck past? Then I just lose the game. Life goes on. But this? I have a knack for fucking people’s lives up who love me and who I love back. It’s my specialty.” “That’s not true. You’re
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Crying!!!!
I love hockey, but it’s not even close to how I love Sloane. Two weeks off of hockey compared to a few days without Sloane proved two things to me: I can live without hockey but I can’t live without Sloane.
She stares at me for longer than is comfortable, and her eyes fill with tears. “Don’t let him scare you off, Jasper.” She pins me with her light blue eyes, so similar to her daughter’s. “Don’t let him control you too. He’s a master. He gets his claws into you and suddenly you wake up in your fifties with nothing but a heaping pile of regret. The best thing I can do for her at this point is lead by example. I don’t want that life for Sloane. I don’t want him for Sloane. She’s going to need you to be there for her when she breaks free of them.”
Poor mom </3
She’s never left me behind, and I’m not leaving her behind either. The only thought in my head as I make the hour-long drive back into the city is that Sloane needs me. She needs me to just be there with her. And I love her.
