Powerless (Chestnut Springs, #3)

by Elsie Silver

For the ones who’ve spent their lives being just a little *too* agreeable. Here’s to getting comfortable disappointing other people to avoid disappointing yourself.

She’s my best friend. She’s eloquent, and smart, and funny—does he not see that at all? Does he not see her?

She’s spitting mad right now. Mad at me. But I think that’s just because she trusts me enough to let her anger out, and I’m okay with letting her. I’m happy to be that person for her.

I remember how Sloane looks at a man when she really wants him. And she isn’t looking at her fiancé the way she used to look at me.

There’s something reassuring about knowing he’ll always have my back, that he can take an out-of-control situation and make it feel in control somehow.

Her life is in shambles, and she’s still here comforting other people.

she’s my Sunny. She chases away the dark just by being herself.

I felt like no one would miss me if I were gone. But now I know that’s not true. They would. Sloane would. And that’s always kept me grounded in a way

And she definitely doesn’t need my stamp of approval on them. That’s not how feelings work—they just are, no matter what anyone else thinks of them.

the more time I spend one-on-one with her, the more it seems like torture.

to see him smile like that, I’d lose over and over again. I’d sit on a cold roof. I’d dance in the rain. I’d go on a road trip and drink shitty beer and eat greasy foods.

Especially not after he told me in the plainest terms possible that I’m his friend as he bent me over a pool table.

If I want to watch my life circle the toilet, I can at least throw back a few delicious Buddyz Bests while I do.

“I’ll drink your water if you give me a facial.” Gotta say, the first place my head goes is not to beauty products.

But seeds grow and now the roots of him and that night are wrapped so tightly around my heart that I’ll never be able to extricate myself from Jasper Gervais.

I can be a person who really knows who he is rather than what he is. I can listen.

He’s constantly trying to blend into the background, but even when he’s hiding, I see him.

But fuck, losing someone and having them not know that you care about them? Wishing you could go back and tell them? That’s a special hell.

Sloane is soothing. She’s the eye of the storm. True North. Somehow our compasses always bring us back to each other.

I accepted I would always want you and you would never want me back. I convinced myself that sometimes the greatest loves of our lives will be our closest friends. And I was okay with that.”

Everyone in my life has treated me like the tiny ballerina inside a jewelry box. Nice to look at and cute to listen to when you’re in the mood, but easily shut away when you have something else to do.

I don’t want him to feel like he needs to save me. I want to save myself.

My brain might be in bitch mode, but my heart? My heart is in slut mode.

“Everyone talks about women being too emotional. Too hormonal. I’m inclined to think men are the problem. Us women would be just fine without all of you fucking us up.”

“See, Sloane? You can wear someone else’s ring, but we both know you’ve always been mine.”

I’ve never felt so wanton and I’ve never felt so desired. Like we’re two opposite ends of a magnet, there’s no resisting the pull.

There’s a special power in being able to make a person smile just by existing.

I know I love him. But I’m still having a tough time believing he’ll ever be able to love me back in quite the same way.

there’s nothing fragile about Sloane. She takes everything I have to give and meets me with equal fervor.

She’s the air I breathe and that fucking terrifies me. Because no matter how fiercely I love someone, I know they always leave.

We’re often blind to the people we love the most.”

“I think we’re both just traumatized by our upbringings. Adulting is hard when your parents fuck you up, ya know?”

If moving on from Jasper Gervais was an option, I’d have done it by now.

That girl has never left you behind, not for a moment. No matter how unlovable you’ve been, she’s loved you anyway. She’s loved you when you didn’t love her back and didn’t ask for shit.

Nothing is more important than being here with you.

You’re not just tattooed on my skin. You’re branded on my heart. Woven into the fiber of my being. The most constant and reassuring person in my life. When I close my eyes, I see you. When you’re away from me, I dream about you. When I need someone to lean on, you are always there for me. God. You’ve loved me when I haven’t even been able to love myself.”