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She’s spitting mad right now. Mad at me. But I think that’s just because she trusts me enough to let her anger out, and I’m okay with letting her. I’m happy to be that person for her.
Plus, I remember how Sloane looks at a man when she really wants him. And she isn’t looking at her fiancé the way she used to look at me.
GASP
I may be stupidly obsessed with the man, but I have some sense of self-preservation. I like to think I have some dignity. But lately I’m questioning even that.
“That’s probably what you tell all the girls, Gervais.” “Nah, Sunny. You’re my only girl.”
Everything in the world feels wrong. But standing here with Sloane in my arms feels right.
I need someone to take charge but with my best interests in mind. Not a business. Not perception. Me. My needs.
“Why?” I ask, wanting validation in a moment of weakness. Wanting to hear her say she worries about me or wants to comfort me. It’s insecure and I shouldn’t be hoping for something like that from a woman whose relationship dissolved mere days ago.
Because I’ve been staring at Jasper Gervais since I was ten years old, and suddenly . . . he’s staring back.
He doesn’t just listen to me. He hears me. He sees me. And there’s something precious about that, the way he can look at someone and make them feel like the only person in the room. He’s not showy, he’s not the life of the party, but he knows how to make a person feel special, to feel loved and cared for.
Jasper: I don’t like talking to people. Sloane: You talk to me. Jasper: You’re not people. Sloane: Lmao. What am I then? Jasper: My person.
AHHHHHH
My last moment and she would never know what she is to me. How much she is to me. That she’s it for me. And that’s just fucking insane. Like a waste. Like for a man who knows loss so intimately, why would I ever set myself up to lose something so precious?
For years I have seen you. Waited for you every summer. Watched you go on dates with women who weren’t me—who would never be me. I was sick over you. And then I came to terms with what we were. I accepted I would always want you and you would never want me back. I convinced myself that sometimes the greatest loves of our lives will be our closest friends. And I was okay with that.”
say what I’ve been wanting to say to her for god knows how long. “Times have changed, Sloane. I’m not scared anymore. You’re not my fucking friend. You’re just mine.”
But him telling me to stay away? Him telling me I couldn’t have you? It broke something inside me. Telling me I wasn’t good enough for you? All that did was make me want to be good enough for you.”
“It means I want you, Sloane. But I’m complicated. The things I like, the things I want, the way my head works. You’re so light and shiny. I don’t want to tarnish you. I don’t want to hurt you.” His teeth sink into my shoulder, and I buck back against him, gasping. “More than anything, I don’t want to lose you.”
“See, Sloane? You can wear someone else’s ring, but we both know you’ve always been mine.”
PARDON
With Sloane the rest of the shit in the world doesn’t matter because when I’m beside her, it always feels right. It soothes me. She soothes me. She always has. She’s that person for me. I’m out of my depth with her but this is Sloane. My Sloane. No matter what, we’re there for each other. My Sloane.
Because no matter what else is going on in the world, everything is better with her in my arms.
“I feel like I could crumble under the weight of not wanting to disappoint you. I’m paralyzed by my fear of losing you.”
“Call your dog off, Eaton,” she mutters as she passes Rhett and enters the log ranch house. “Woof!” Theo makes a deep barking sound into the snowy night air, and Rhett laughs at him as Winter disappears.
That girl has been choosing you for years. She’s just sick of waiting around for you to choose her back. Can’t say that I blame her.
“Who knew you were so easily distracted?” Our gazes lock, his irises bouncing between mine. “You’ve been distracting me for years. This is nothing new.” But then his voice drops low and anticipation hums through my core when he murmurs, “But you’ve got my attention now.”
