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Plus, I remember how Sloane looks at a man when she really wants him. And she isn’t looking at her fiancé the way she used to look at me. I’m more pleased about that than I should be.
“Fuck you, Fabio,” is Cade’s agitated retort as he fiddles with the tie around his neck. Making fun of Rhett’s long hair isn’t new territory.
“Over my dead body, are you marrying him.”
Tonight and every summer night after, she sits with me. I don’t invite her. She’s just there. And sitting with her is peaceful . . .
Sunny. I wonder if he knows what that nickname does to me. How it makes my stomach flip.
But salivating over Jasper Gervais is part of my personality at this point.
The way he laughs, all soft and deep, never fails to make me feel like I’m sinking into a warm bath. He’s so serious sometimes that when he laughs, it’s precious somehow.
My arms hang limp at my sides. My fingers have gone numb. Beau is my best friend. We’ve been joined at the hip for years. He’s the kid who saved me and brought me here—no questions asked. He’s my brother in every way that counts. A special forces soldier with a personality the size of his doesn’t just go missing.
We all hated him deploying—it felt like the statistics weren’t stacked in his favor anymore. Like he’d gotten off scot-free too many times. Like he was too sunny and goofy, and the universe would take that away from him at some point.
“You always look good to me. Concealer, no concealer. Fancy dress, Harvey’s sweat suit. Smooth hair”—his hand waves over me with a low chuckle—“whatever this is. It doesn’t matter. You’re you.” I swallow and try my best not to melt onto the floor into a squishy pile of mush. “That’s probably what you tell all the girls, Gervais.” “Nah, Sunny. You’re my only girl.”
“Well, if I were you, I would have told my coach that my personal life was a heaping pile of devastating shit.” I roll my eyes, feeling like a petulant child. “I didn’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to be treated like I’m fragile.” A broad hand waves in front of me. “Spoiler alert. You are fragile.” “Fuck you, Roman.” His jaw ticks. “I’m gonna let that one slide tonight.”
He needs you more than he realizes. Don’t leave him. You’re his person.
“Hell might be alright if you were there with me.” She stiffens. “I didn’t mean—” Not wanting her to second guess anything she says, I cut her off. “Hell might actually be alright if we’re stuck there together, Sloane.”
All good, son. Have you seen Sloane? Her door was open, and her room was empty. ;)
I’m familiar with how grief works. I know it comes in waves. I know you can feel fine about something one day and it can fucking cripple you the next. The anger always comes.
“Bring your timer. You can watch next time, could probably teach your dumb ass a thing or two.” Harvey’s head whips between us, an amused smile on his lips. “I’ll be sure to give you some notice so you can get your Viagra down in time, old boy.” “Oh, nah.” Harvey waves a hand dismissively. “The Eatons are a virile bunch. Even I don’t need those.” “Jesus Christ.” Cade’s head drops,
It’s wild how one simple mistake can translate into such widespread anxiety.
“I spy with my little eye something that is blue.”
“No. It’s in the car. And it’s one of my favorite things.”
“It’s your eyes.”
Because I’ve been staring at Jasper Gervais since I was ten years old, and suddenly . . . he’s staring back.
He barks out a laugh as he rounds the table and leans over it. Is pool supposed to be sexy? Because Jasper makes it look sexy. His hard body leans against the green felt top. His veined hands wrap lightly around the cue. The way his eyes narrow like this is a Stanley Cup final or something. The way that boyish smile lights up his face when I complain about him kicking my ass. I hate losing . . . and yet, to see him smile like that, I’d lose over and over again. I’d sit on a cold roof. I’d dance in the rain. I’d go on a road trip and drink shitty beer and eat greasy foods.
It doesn’t matter that my love for him is pathetic and tragically unrequited. It just is. The sky is blue. The grass is green. And I’ve loved Jasper Gervais from the first day I laid eyes on him.
I’m not weird. You’re the one with a crush on your cousin.
She nuzzles against me, and I nuzzle against her. We latch onto each other like we have for the better part of our lives. Because no matter what else is going on in the world, everything is better with her in my arms.
“I feel like I could crumble under the weight of not wanting to disappoint you. I’m paralyzed by my fear of losing you.”
“Call your dog off, Eaton,” she mutters as she passes Rhett and enters the log ranch house. “Woof!” Theo makes a deep barking sound into the snowy night air, and Rhett laughs at him as Winter disappears.
Willa: Hi. It’s Willa. Jasper: Hi, Willa. It’s Jasper.
My voice is strained when I finally say the thing that’s been holding me back. “Because the people I love either die or leave me.”
I’m paralyzed by all the what-ifs.
That girl has never left you behind, not for a moment. No matter how unlovable you’ve been, she’s loved you anyway. She’s loved you when you didn’t love her back and didn’t ask for shit.
