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Sloane has shed too many tears today. And yet, she’s here. Drunk. And sad. And lost. She’s got dirty feet and is wearing an expensive, ripped wedding dress for a marriage that didn’t happen. Her life is in shambles, and she’s still here comforting other people. Sloane is selfless. She might not look it, but she’s strong. She’s a got a huge heart. A gentle soul.
She can say she’s not sad, but I’m familiar with how grief works. I know it comes in waves. I know you can feel fine about something one day and it can fucking cripple you the next. The anger always comes.
It strikes me as unfair that so many terrible things can happen to one person. That one human can defy the odds so thoroughly. That the universe couldn’t have sprinkled a little of Jasper’s pain over more people to make his burden just a little bit lighter.
And if I’ve figured out anything in this Shakespearean tragedy of a life, it’s that life is just moments all strung together like multicolor Christmas lights. You always end up liking some colors better than others. Joyful, tragic, peaceful, funny. Unforgettable moments, and moments we wish we could forget.
The questions don’t stop, suffocating me under their weight. They say comparison is the thief of joy, and comparing how different my life might look if one tiny interaction hadn’t happened is definitely doing that. It’s like imagining what you’d do if you won the lottery. Fun to dream about until you get depressed about the fact it will never happen.
We’re often blind to the people we love the most.”
“What if I make the wrong choice? What if I put it all on the line and it blows up in my face? What if she realizes I’m not worth it and leaves me? I . . . I’m paralyzed by all the what-ifs. This isn’t just like what if I let a puck past? Then I just lose the game. Life goes on. But this?
His passion and tireless commitment to being so good at his sport. I admire that about him. We connect on that level. When we need to train, there are no hard feelings or whining about time spent apart. We both pursue our passions, and we’re both better at what we do for having the other’s support.
