More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
For the ones who’ve spent their lives being just a little *too* agreeable. Here’s to getting comfortable disappointing other people to avoid disappointing yourself.
The truth is we only have control over a finite number of things in life. The rest is a fucking crap shoot.
What I don’t realize is that I’ll be fighting the urge to stare at Jasper Gervais for years to come.
And for Sloane I keep every promise, no matter how badly they hurt.
She’s my best friend. She’s eloquent, and smart, and funny—does he not see that at all? Does he not see her?
We’ve never fought, but suddenly my urge to fight for her consumes my better judgment.
Plus, I remember how Sloane looks at a man when she really wants him. And she isn’t looking at her fiancé the way she used to look at me.
“If you don’t want this.” Her free hand signals around us. “If you need an out. If you need a getaway car. I’m your girl. I won’t say a thing. I won’t judge you. But if this isn’t right? If you need to run? Like . . .” She looks away momentarily, lips rolling together as she weighs her next words carefully. “Blink twice or something. Okay?”
What the fuck did he do to her?
“She’s going to castrate you for not wearing the tie she picked out.” Rhett chuckles. “She’ll get over it when I tie her up with it later.”
“She’s not your wife. And I’m not going anywhere.”
“Raise your voice at that woman one more time and I will drop you like a stone, Woodcock.”
“Over my dead body, are you marrying him.”
Tonight and every summer night after, she sits with me. I don’t invite her. She’s just there. And sitting with her is peaceful . . .
I shouldn’t be salivating over him on what was supposed to be my wedding day. But salivating over Jasper Gervais is part of my personality at this point.
He’s always been good at worrying, so his anxiety is probably kicking in something fierce.
Oh same
“And I hate this ring. I saw one at a little boutique on Sixteenth Avenue—you know that funky area? It was a purple oval sapphire. How cool is a purple sapphire? And they set it sideways in matte yellow gold. Sterling said it was ‘weird’ and then gave me this ring the next week. I swear he picked the opposite of anything I’d ever want on purpose.”
Hes literally immediately gonna go buy this ring
Sloane is selfless. She might not look it, but she’s strong. She’s a got a huge heart. A gentle soul. And watching her comfort Harvey right now, I let myself admit that the way I love Sloane might not be how one friend loves another at all.
she doesn’t shy away from my darkness—after all, she’s my Sunny. She chases away the dark just by being herself.
“Does that mean you’re going home? To Sterling?” His voice is thick and he sounds resigned. I press my lips together and force myself to stare out the windshield. “No, Jasper. It means I’m coming with you.”
Jasper has always been a sweet boy. But god, he grew up to be a damn good man.
“You always look good to me. Concealer, no concealer. Fancy dress, Harvey’s sweat suit. Smooth hair”—his hand waves over me with a low chuckle—“whatever this is. It doesn’t matter. You’re you.” I swallow and try my best not to melt onto the floor into a squishy pile of mush. “That’s probably what you tell all the girls, Gervais.” “Nah, Sunny. You’re my only girl.”
I’m grumpy and miserable. The world is dark, but she’s like the moon when we sat on the roof. Bright and pure, shedding a silvery light over everything so that I can still see where I’m going.
Everything in the world feels wrong. But standing here with Sloane in my arms feels right.
So many people eye me like I’m a Rubik’s cube they can’t solve. My colors are all jumbled and on the wrong sides, but Sloane doesn’t care that I’m messy. She’s never looked at me like I need fixing. She always looked like she does now. Tender and supportive.
Sure, I’ve contemplated suicide. But mostly in the way everyone has. What it would take. If I could follow through. In the wake of Jenny’s death, I’d toed that ledge, but ever since the Eatons took me in, it was never an option. I know how it feels to lose someone you love, and I couldn’t do that to these people who’ve become my family. I’ll suffer before ever making them do the same.
No why is he me
“Hell might be alright if you were there with me.”
I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t handle emotional situations well. Trauma? I’ve got enough, thanks. Feelings? Too many of those too.
Sloane: He’s sad. He’ll be okay. Willa: You should bang him. Summer: Wils, that can’t always be your advice. Willa: Why not? It’s solid advice. Worked out for you. Summer: She just fled her wedding. Willa: Yeah, but that fucking guy sucked. Jasper has that hot, tortured vibe going for him. Sloane: He’s sad. Not horny, Willa. Willa: He can be both. Turn that frown upside down, baby girl!
This is why we love willa
And I hate being bad at things. Hate failing. Hate losing. I’m competitive to my core.
Same bestie
The way he is? It speaks to me. It always has. He’s like a warm blanket that I want to wrap myself up in. And when his eyes are bright and his smile is soft like right now? Forget it. He’s breathtaking.
Jasper: I don’t like talking to people. Sloane: You talk to me. Jasper: You’re not people. Sloane: Lmao. What am I then? Jasper: My person.
The sky is blue. The grass is green. And I’ve loved Jasper Gervais from the first day I laid eyes on him.
People looking too closely makes me nervous, makes my skin itch. But with Sloane’s eyes on me, all I feel is warmth.
Sloane: Send help. Summer: Help with what? Are you guys okay? Sloane: I’m so hungover. I want to die. Willa: Nice. Shame spiral. Did you bang him? Sloane: No. We gave each other facials and passed out awkwardly. Willa: High five. I love it when Cade gives me a facial. Summer: Good god. Sloane: That is . . . not what I meant.
I got lost in Jasper’s eyes and never left.
“I can’t ever lose you,” he growls. “You won’t,” I reply quietly, right as the tip of his nose traces the shell of my ear. “I might.” “Nev—” Before I can say never, he cuts me off with, “Because I think I’m about to fuck everything up between us.” And then he kisses me.
AHHHHHHH
“Sunny, you’re gonna make me lose my mind.” “Good,” I murmur against his mouth. “We’ll be insane together. I’m so tired of doing it alone.”
Fuck my safety. If I died riding Jasper Gervais in the driver’s seat of this truck, I might be fine with that. What a way to go. Out with a bang, so to speak.
Sloane is soothing. She’s the eye of the storm. True North. Somehow our compasses always bring us back to each other.
“You’re not going back to him.” She shrugs nonchalantly. “Maybe I will. You don’t tell me what to do, Jasper.” Not yet. But I will. “You’re not.” She spins, her voice cutting across the room like she’s thrown a dart right at my chest. “And why not?” “Because he sucks the life out of you!” She rears back, clearly shocked by the volume of my voice. “And I want to breathe it back in.”
“Times have changed, Sloane. I’m not scared anymore. You’re not my fucking friend. You’re just mine.”
I don’t want him to feel like he needs to save me. I want to save myself.
I’m going to get comfortable disappointing other people to avoid disappointing myself. I won’t apologize for doing things the way I want to do them. I’m ready to be unapologetically me and let go of the people in my life who don’t approve of the person I am now.
“Sloane, close the door and sit on the counter.” Pump. “Pardon me?” My heart thrashes wildly in my chest. “Shut the door.” Pump. “And put that tight little ass up on the counter.” Pump. My cheeks flame. “We both know you want to watch.”
The eye contact is unnerving. It’s erotic. He looks wild and undone.
Willa: I’ll hug Cade for you if you bang Jasper for me. Sloane: When I bang Jasper, I’m banging him for myself. Summer: Ooooooo! Willa: Possessive. I like it. Willa: Wait. Did you say WHEN?!
“You and Jasper. You’ve both been so in love with each other for so long. I saw that hug. Plus, I saw the look on his face that day when I first spilled the beans about your engagement. And on your wedding day?” She snorts. “I think he was looking for a reason to barge in there and break you out. Poor emotionally stunted idiot that he is.”
“I feel like I could crumble under the weight of not wanting to disappoint you. I’m paralyzed by my fear of losing you.”
“It’s always been you, Jasper. It will always be you.”
