Where Time Stands Still

by N.S. Perkins

Except that what we just shared wasn’t just a kiss. It was the kiss. The one that makes you feel like the earth has stopped spinning. The one that makes you wonder how you ever thought kissing someone other than them was nice. The one that could make anyone do something stupid.

“What’s going on inside that beautiful head?” he whispers. “A lot,” I sigh.

It’s like she’s just thrust a knife through my skin and bones without even realizing she was holding a weapon.

“God, how can you not see I’m so in love with you I can hardly breathe?”

It’s also the moment I realize I didn’t love Amber as much as I loved the idea of her. I loved her like you love a gift that wasn’t exactly the one you asked for. You wanted this cologne, but your loved one gave you this other one instead. And while it’s not the one you initially wanted, it was a gift, so you want to love it. You want to think this is the perfect cologne, and after a while, you end up believing it. You wear it every day, love the way you smell, share the name proudly to your colleagues. But one day, you walk across the street and smell someone who wears the one you initially wanted, and you realize that you never actually loved your gift. You just convinced yourself that you did. And that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a great one. It simply wasn’t yours.

She’s a drug, and what can an addict to but ask for his next fix?

“You can let me go all you want in the hope it’ll convince me to move on, but you’d be wrong to do that, because I can tell you I’ll never be able to love anyone the way I love you. Letting you go would not bring me any happiness,

“I don’t care that you don’t love yourself enough to believe I’d be lucky to be with you.” A kiss is pressed to the crown of my hair. “We’ll work on that, and in the meantime, I’ll love you enough for the both of us.”