Where Time Stands Still

by N.S. Perkins

The simple thought of not doing this ever again makes me drop my pen and lean my head between my shoulders.

Besides, if I did feel something for her, it wouldn’t only be sexual attraction. She’s someone I would want to get to know. Someone I’d want to explore, to discover what makes her cry or light up. Someone I’d know everything about.

“I told you I wouldn’t go back to her. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me just as much as I want her.”

Dark hair tousled, brown eyes glinting, he gives me all of his trust with a single nod. It’s one of the most beautiful gifts I’ve ever been given.

“I don’t want to keep you away from your family.”

Instead of telling her I’m not going anywhere, I say, “Would anything make this easier for you?”

“You’re too good for me.” “Wren,” I say as a gush of wind drags snow around us, shining in the moonlight. “Nothing could be too good for you.”

In this moment, I realize if there was one thing I could wish for, it would be to live in a world where time stands still. Where Aaron and I could keep living without growing old, our bodies stuck in this place in time. This way, nothing would stop me from begging him to stay with me. I wouldn’t ever get sick. He’d never have to say goodbye. We could just be, together.

I hold the back of his coat like it’s my lifeline, nose buried in his woodsy-scented neck. But eventually, I get my breathing to calm down and am able to step away from him.

“God, how can you not see I’m so in love with you I can hardly breathe?”

“What do you want me to say, Wren? That I’m sorry for loving you? Because I’m not.”

I want it, Aaron, I want it so bad, but I can’t.

People always say to do the right thing. However, they never mention that doing the right thing can also mean feeling like the world is crashing down on your shoulders and burying you six feet under.

“I do love you, Aaron. More than I could ever love anyone. You’re everything.” Everything I know. Everything I want. Everything I need.

“I could also promise to love and cherish you until death do us part, but I assume this is a given. So, instead, I’ll make you another promise I think you need to hear.” He takes a step forward, our bodies two magnets. Hands in mine, he murmurs, “I promise to remember everything.”

“I know forgetting scares you, and I get it. I get it so much. But don’t worry about our memories, cariño. They’re safe with me.”