Faf: Through Fire

by Faf Du Plessis

There has never been a greater need than now for selfless inclusive leadership. We require examples and reference points for how we can move forward with, not against, each other.

When I look back on those times together with the Proteas, what stays with me is not grand speeches or even great performances under pressure, but the smaller meaningful things he did every day … things that define his way of leading others.

His leadership style was unfailingly inclusive: continually checking in on each person in the most diverse sports team in the world, over coffee or meals or just on the move, and asking ‘If you were the leader of this team, what would you change about how we do things?’ and ‘What in our environment gets in the way of you reaching your full potential?’

He fully embraced and embodied the traditional African notion of ubuntu as the Proteas’ higher purpose and North Star – the measure of...

As Faf puts it, a team (or community) is only ever truly healthy when it has a genuine commitment to ensure that every individual has a sense of belonging and is enabled to thrive.

It is important to me to make players feel welcome and at home in the teams that I captain. I want new players to feel as appreciated as established players, and that they belong there. A player should know that his contribution, presence and humanity are valued.

In team sports, regardless of the level, a sense of belonging is in my opinion the golden thread that binds together consistent performances.

I can’t expect commitment and honesty from other people if I don’t hold myself to the same standards (as I did for the better part of my first twenty-nine years on this planet).

what I’ve come to learn is that you cannot cultivate and maintain healthy relationships without having a set of values guiding your behaviour.

Empathy supposes many things: different types of love, understanding and acceptance of differences, and embracing differences. It’s the gateway to sincere engagement with people. It’s about me meeting you where you are in a particular moment or context, and not where I want or expect you to be.

If someone didn’t initially do what was expected of him, I’d leave him to see what he did. If he still didn’t deliver on his commitment, I’d step in and try to engage with him where he was. The aim was to help him move towards the destination we agreed to together.

The very reason for cultivating empathy and embracing love is that, when darkness looms – when care and love are most needed – we can shine a caring and loving light.

‘Everybody needs love.’ It’s only when we give love, and not only receive or expect it, that we can truly emerge from the fires of life and become better people for it.

Values don’t necessarily make decisions easier. It’s often the opposite: while we willingly act according to our better nature, it is often in conflict with our instinctive side, which tends to be more self-interested. The more I made values-based decisions, the smaller the gap between my head (instinctive nature) and my heart (better nature) became. But the gap never disappears, and that’s why values are so important.

The conflict between one’s instinctive nature and better nature is always present. As a result, values are critical to remain consistent in one’s behaviour.

The enormity of having Graeme Smith or Jacques Kallis spend time with me left a lasting impression. When that happens, you leave the training session with tremendous appreciation and gratitude for the time those senior players have invested in you.

Patience, however frustrating, is indeed a virtue and, if you can stick it out on the back roads of this industry, you’ll likely find it easier to navigate a long and successful career once your wheels eventually hit the highway.

We were still experiencing and experimenting with life and, although professionalism requires a commitment to being disciplined in your preparation and dietary choices (unless you’re Dale Steyn), it’s important to have fun along the way.

In the years following the Proteas’ cultural renaissance in 2010, the players treated one another with respect, and we all made sure that players knew they had been selected because they belonged in the Proteas changing room, and that they were not ‘fucking youngsters’ who had to hide away in the corner or in a bath.

It makes no sense to dehumanise people by telling them they matter less and therefore need to work harder than everybody else to deserve the cap they have been given. I’m all for justifying your selection through performance, but the environment must be conducive to performing at your highest level.

He could get very emotional, and I have always preferred coaches who remain calm and communicate well. Players generally do not respond well to coaches who are visibly stressed too often. I preferred coaches who displayed a high degree of emotional maturity,

My experience with him just strengthened my conviction that there will always be people who tell you that you are not good enough, but their opinions don’t necessarily have merit, even if they are given with sincerity and confidence. Don’t listen to the doubters.

He told me only to take advice and input from people who want to make a positive contribution to my life. If someone is not having a constructive influence on my life, I should not pay heed to what they are saying about me.

You need to learn to roll with the punches and how to control the bleeding and yourself. You learn to only reflect on the wounds once you’re back in the shed, and then you convert them into motivation, not acute hatred … you know full well that there will come a day when you will need to be the giver and not the receiver.

Gary Kirsten has often been quoted as saying that it is not your skill or physical ability that is being tested in Test cricket, but your character. That is what tips the scale in your favour in those crunch moments.

Whenever I reach a milestone, I first feel relief, and then elation.

Character, it seemed, was more nuanced than how I perceived it.

The authentic self is something you discover later on in life, and it’s often not in a social setting, but during those lonely times when you have to confront your inner monsters and insecurities … those unconscious coping mechanisms that have remained hidden from yourself and others in your attempts to be popular. To fit in.

I wanted to be a better man, leader and friend, and a good husband. I wanted to break down the emotional hurdles I had erected as barriers between myself and others.

When leaders make decisions, they should be based on values that take into account the longer-term impact of their actions.

Consequently, what you need is a mentor: someone who has been down the same road that you are now navigating. Everybody does. Some mentors come into your life with that very role in mind, while others just go about their business, and you start noticing areas of their lives that seem to be more settled than yours.

What struck me most about Gary was his approach to coaching. He was the first coach I had ever played under whose main focus was not to improve us as cricketers, but rather to instil the belief that what mattered most was the kind of person you are.

Gary wanted to guide every individual along that journey. How you conduct yourself matters. But why you conduct yourself in a certain way matters even more, since answering the why reveals character or the lack thereof. It’s about finding your authentic self, about knowing yourself.

Gary was the person who awakened in me an awareness of the importance of culture, i.e. the value of prioritising soft skills in a world where most teams restrict that level of dedication to honing hard skills: talent, skills, work ethic, tactics, etc.

He understood that humans have a yearning to fight for a cause; the greater the cause, the greater one’s commitment to succeed.

I always felt good after a conversation with Gary. He spoke into your being as a person.

Gary worked incredibly hard: he was often the hardest worker at any training session. At first I interpreted this as a dedication to his craft, which resonated with me.

When I became a leader in the side, and especially after assuming the captaincy, I realised that there are two types of leaders: those who view vulnerability as a weakness and those who view it as a strength. Initially, I comfortably fitted into the former category. Yet, as my career progressed and as I tried to reconcile my life within and outside of cricket, I realised that vulnerability allowed me to become more whole, not more broken.

My contentment probably stemmed from a sense of hopelessness and haplessness: a resignation to my fate that manifested as calmness. I had thrown my final punch and it hadn’t landed. This is a terrible mental space for a competitive person to be in. Add to that the realisation that trying to be a better person hadn’t made me a better cricketer. Doomed.

What stands out for me from that time is just how narrow the line between self-destruction and self-actualisation can be.

I did visualisation training with David Becker

The Purple Book by Rice Broocks and Steve Murrell

They appealed to me because of what I’d heard about Stephen Fleming’s leadership,

I immediately noticed that he believed the only talk that mattered was one’s actions on the field. I was under the impression that the captain should always talk, but this was never MS’s style.

What I learnt was that leadership comes down to being consistent and authentic in your behaviour. Ultimately, that’s one trait all successful leaders share.

the fact that CSK has always been a process-driven franchise, and not obsessed with results, made us a consistently successful side.

When you ask players what makes CSK different from the other IPL teams, most will tell you that they feel more backed than at any other franchise.

Still, I believe that CSK has for a long time maintained the most welcoming and supportive culture of all the franchises.

Rituals are a means to reaffirm our values and identity.

Belonging: The Ancient Code of Togetherness.