Can't Say Goodbye

by Eden Finley

“I would really, really like that. I’m just a boy, standing in front of other boys, asking them to fill his holes.”

We’ve known the rules all along, but we broke them anyway. Repeatedly. We tell ourselves it’s nothing because we only ever hook up when someone else is involved, and we’re not a couple. We’re best friends. Roommates. And I fucking hate it. Because Prescott is my world. He’s my rock. Hell, he’s the only family I have.

Will I come, or will my dick be bitten off? Hard to say. It’s like extreme sports for sex.

I can’t help the pang of longing that hits my chest when we’re curled up together with Brady between Kit and me. It’s a heartbreakingly perfect moment that will never happen again. So I hold on tighter and breathe them in to try to remember this for as long as I can.

Distance from Prescott will be good for my heart. It’s not my fault I went and fell in love with him. It’s his fault for being him.

I don’t hesitate to run into them and wrap my hands around his back and bury my head in his shoulder. Then Kit is behind me, and I’m where I belong. Where I’ve wanted to belong since we first met. With them.

“Ooh, strip dinner. That could be a fun game.”

“I don’t care about the time,” Brady whispers. “I’d take a later flight, stay longer, call in sick to work, and put off my law degree if it meant I got five more minutes with each of you.”

“I can’t say goodbye.” I shake my head. “I’m not ready. This week was …” “I want more of this week.

I guess I’ll see you when I can get away, then, since you won’t let me drug people.”

If they’re all here, it’s because they’ve decided this one big fucked-up found family of queerdos is in need of quality time. I could tell them I had Ebola and they wouldn’t leave.”

You own me. Completely and wholly. I want you to be mine.

What Kit, Brady, and I have is love. It’s respect. It’s one hell of a relationship.

he has always been the exception to the rule? He has broken every damn rule I’ve ever made for myself: