Can't Say Goodbye

by Eden Finley

“I would really, really like that. I’m just a boy, standing in front of other boys, asking them to fill his holes.”

We’ve known the rules all along, but we broke them anyway. Repeatedly. We tell ourselves it’s nothing because we only ever hook up when someone else is involved, and we’re not a couple. We’re best friends. Roommates. And I fucking hate it. Because Prescott is my world. He’s my rock. Hell, he’s the only family I have.

They can’t see that growing up in a nurturing environment where we were not only encouraged to live our truths but were pushed to explore them meant that we were free to be who we are. The world is a lot gayer than people like to think.

Will I come, or will my dick be bitten off? Hard to say. It’s like extreme sports for sex.

I can’t help the pang of longing that hits my chest when we’re curled up together with Brady between Kit and me. It’s a heartbreakingly perfect moment that will never happen again. So I hold on tighter and breathe them in to try to remember this for as long as I can.

This move to Virginia is the right one. The job will be good for my career. Distance from Prescott will be good for my heart. It’s not my fault I went and fell in love with him. It’s his fault for being him.

I don’t hesitate to run into them and wrap my hands around his back and bury my head in his shoulder. Then Kit is behind me, and I’m where I belong. Where I’ve wanted to belong since we first met. With them.

I want to see them again, no doubt. For a day, a week, a month. The only problem with that is each time we make it happen, this has to happen as well. The goodbyes. What goes up must come down. All hellos morph into goodbyes.

“You like taking care of him,” Prescott says. “I like taking care of both of you. I guess it’s because I never had anyone caring for me growing up. I don’t want anyone else to ever feel that way.”

“Why do I feel like you’re about to pat me on the head and call me a good boy like I’m a dog?” I ask. Kit’s hands slide down to my ass and squeeze. “Not so much like a dog, but I do want you to be a good boy.”

“Make like the Beatles and come together. Right now. Over me.” Kit laughs. “I don’t think that’s what they meant when they wrote that song.”

Uncle Damon rubs his chin. “I know I’m not allowed to tell your parents anything, but can I please tell Maddox? You have no idea how proud he would be of you for pulling SEALs. Damn, even I’m impressed.”

What Kit, Brady, and I have is love. It’s respect. It’s one hell of a relationship.

“Love is about sacrifices and compromises, right?” I try to repeat the L word, but my mouth gets tripped up by my tongue, and all that comes out is. “La-uh.” Brady laughs. “I think you broke Kit.”

Prescott rolls over. “Fine. Come here. I’m in the mood for some bondage.” His arms and one leg wrap around me, and he pins me to the bed. Then proceeds to fall back asleep. “This isn’t the kind of bondage I like.” “You can’t move, can you?” “Prescott,” I whine. “Good luck,” Kit sings on the way out. “I want sex,” I demand. He covers my mouth with his hand. “Ooh, look, more kink. I like you bound and gagged.”

“Is this what our relationship is going to be like? You were so nice when there were thousands of miles between us.” “Are you saying you prefer the distance?” “You woke up and chose violence today.”

“You’re asking for a spanking,” Kit says. “Don’t threaten me with a good time,” I quip. Kit laughs. “What are we going to do with him, Pres?” I blink innocently up at Prescott. “Yeah, Pres, what are you going to do with me?” “Give you whatever you want and make you the happiest man in the world?” My chest warms, and a sense of fulfillment spreads through my veins. “You already do that.”