For the Fans

by Nyla K.

New York is a cluttered hub for all of the realest people I’ve ever encountered.

I belong there

I’m kind of a weirdo, and I don’t want to have to change myself just to make friends. I’m a strong believer in it’ll happen if and when it happens.

Me

Ah, the introvert’s paradox. Waiting for other nerds to come to you.

Fr

Milktoast motherfuckers.

What

Money is very much the root of all evils. Because it’s power. Money, sex, fame, power… Control.

That was so Lana Del Rey coded

He’s kissing me, and I’m flying.

Hey Siri play Cuando Te Bese by Becky G

The chemistry of hate was never strong enough to overpower the hunger of want.

“This is… too good, Kyran.” My eyes fall shut when he presses his wet chest to mine, fingers running up my sides. Too good to be true… “Is there such a thing as too good?” he breathes. Yes… I think there is such a thing as too good.

Because no matter how high your soul soars, the fear of heartache always waits for you back down on the ground.

As Austin Powers would say, I’d lost my mojo.

What does she expect me to do?? Run over there, pull Ash off my stepbrother… Make a fucking scene in front of everyone to prove once and for all that this ache in my chest whenever I’m around him is real?? That every time I look at him, my stomach flips and my skin buzzes and no matter how hard I’ve tried to push it away and pretend like it’s not there, it just seems to be getting fucking stronger, to the point where I feel like pieces of my anatomy are missing when I’m not with him…

“Ky… I don’t slow dance. I’ve never done it before…” “I know.” He chuckles. “I don’t care. I just wanna be close to you.”

he whispers on my lips, dropping his forehead to mine, clutching onto my body for dear life. Like he’s afraid if he lets go for one second, I’ll float away.

And I feel lucky. I feel like the luckiest son of a bitch in the whole world, being the one he smiles at like that.

Making out in public is gross no matter how newly in love you are.

But the thing I’ve come to realize is… some anxiety is good. It’s normal. You’re supposed to feel things. We’re made to feel all emotions, good and bad. And I guess it took falling for Kyran to realize I don’t mind feeling the bad sometimes, if it means I get to truly bask in the glory of the good.

God is not some old, bearded man sitting up in the sky, punishing us when we’re bad. God is love, and laughter and light. God is the good things, and the bad. He… They, I should say, are the Earth and the stars and the vast openness of an existence we’re only a small fraction of.”

“God is faith, Avi. Faith in yourself, as a part of the world as it turns. And for all the hate, and sickness and despair we experience,

there are equal parts love and joy. You just have to look up.”

Good people get hurt, bad ones walk free, and things just happen. Chaos within an infinite, spiraling cosmic circus. The only thing we can do is have faith in us, find beauty in the pain, and laugh as much as possible.

“God loves you, no matter what. Know that. He isn’t the God I used to think he was… He’s so much better. Caring and sympathetic. Don’t let what happened steer you from having real faith. Not the stuff I used to push on you. Faith in yourself is faith in Him.”