Same Time Next Summer

by Annabel Monaghan

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that it’s totally possible to love someone from a safe distance.

We’ve sat like this dozens of times since Jack and I met, mostly in my parents’ cramped dining room in the city. But it’s different here, like a step back in time to who my family used to be.

It’s like I went out into the world and grew up, and he’s still right here. Right where I left him.

It’s a particular level of intimacy, reading a book with another person.

“It’s just . . . The summer’s over. You’re leaving. And suddenly you’re a jerk with a beer and you’ve just left me already.”

Sam was a person who was capable of giving herself up to her laughter, and as he stood and watched, he thought it might be his favorite thing.

The most fun she ever had happened when she acted on an idea without thinking it through.

“If you’ve loved someone your whole life, it kind of makes sense that you’d love them forever.”

The sun was setting and she could feel Wyatt watching her. She looked up. “What?” Wyatt shrugged. “I was just thinking this would be a nice place to get married.”

“He says it was about his art, about being so desperate for a new idea that he lost his grip on reality.” Wyatt let out a hard breath. “Remind me never to use my music as an excuse to act like an asshole.”

Actually, if she could stop playing this game for a full week, then Wyatt would call. She was in a loop of deals with God.

He knew that his future was in music the way he knew the sun was coming up tomorrow. But then again, he had thought his future was Sam too.

She leaned back and let herself feel the weight of Gracie in her arms, a whole human being with a whole future ahead of her. She wondered who was going to break Gracie’s heart.

“I know, Sam. It was a hard time for me too. I’m sorry.” “You’re sorry.” Sam remembered how ineffective these words were when her dad was apologizing to her mom. She felt the sloppiness of these words, a casual nod to the rubble after you’ve totally destroyed something.

“I needed you then. So you don’t get to come back for me now.”

“You cheat because you think it’s going to make you someone else, that it’s going to save you from your own damn misery. And that’s the lie you’re telling yourself. I guess that’s the point, Sam. Another person is not going to turn you into anything but who you already are.

“You’re the most important person that’s ever been in my life, and you’re not even the most important person in your own.”

But you could speak up a little more in your relationship. Jack loves you, and I bet he’d love you even more if he saw more of you.”

Literally what ive been saying this whole time