I had never understood substance abuse until that moment; even in the worst moments of my life before—the jackknifing lorry that had crushed my parents’ car when I was seventeen, the grueling breakdown of my relationship with Jeff just a few years later—even in the middle of complete despair, I had never experienced the urge to opt out of feeling. But now—now if I could have made the pain go away, I would. If I could have crawled back into Hel’s
