My Roommate Is a Vampire

by Jenna Levine

If this person turned out to be an axe murderer or a libertarian or some other awful thing, a month-to-month lease would let me leave quickly with no strings attached.

When you think about Cassie not living with you anymore how does that make you feel When I think about Cassie never returning to me it makes me sad. Waking up in the evening isn’t exciting anymore now that I know I won’t be seeing her face. So you’re into her, is what I’m hearing Absolutely not. I am NOT “into her.” I just like her drawings. And her everything.

What am I going to do with a cross-stitch that says “Home Sweet Home” made from what looks smells and tastes like human entrails, Freddie Why did you think I’d want this I thought it matched your decor, Reginald. Okay, that’s fair

Mr. Frederick J. Fitzwilliam’s Google Search History how do you kiss if it has been three hundred years since how can you know if she wants to kiss you is it a bad idea to kiss your roommate is it bad to think about or have sex with your roommate age gap relationships best breath mints

“Some vampires have impressive abilities like turning wine into blood, or being able to fly, or turning back time,” he continued ruefully. “Unfortunately, all I can do is somewhat involuntarily conjure fruit when I’m nervous.”