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I could handle an awkward roommate who was maybe in his seventies
I shivered, and not just because the room was freezing. In short, the living room was confirmation of something I’d known for years: people with money often had terrible taste.
I had these kumquats on hand
Le Creuset
oh damn i would 100% move in with this guy. le creuset and 200 rent????
(He has, after all, long since been in the habit of needing to apologize to women.)
The twenty-first century may be what finally kills me after all these years—if living with Miss Greenberg doesn’t do it first.
I find the lopsided mittens especially charming.
I sipped my cappuccino (it was good—Katie made a mean We Are Empowered) and then licked my lips. Frederick’s eyes tracked the movement of my tongue with interest. I pretended not to notice.
My roommate was a vampire,
“Over the past two weeks I’ve discovered that in this city of millions, you are one of a kind.”
poor boy
lol dude you were asleep for a hundred years
Frederick was at the stove, his back to me as he stirred something that smelled suspiciously and deliciously like chicken soup.
he’s cooking for her 😭😭 and it’s her fav food??? where can i find a frederick
He wore a black apron over his clothes with the words This Guy Rubs His Own Meat in large white Comic Sans lettering.
“Amazon.” He set his wooden spoon down on the stove and smiled at me, clearly proud of himself. I made a mental note not to let Frederick navigate Amazon on my laptop without supervision anymore. “I saw this apron and immediately thought, This message conveys competence in the kitchen. Which is exactly what I’d hoped to convey as I prepared your meal.”
He pulled back abruptly, resting his forehead against mine, breathing very hard for someone who didn’t technically need oxygen to survive.
What he was saying was just an excuse to keep holding me. I knew that. But I didn’t care.
Despite the chill he radiated, I felt nothing but heat suffusing me, excitement racing down my spine as he pulled me closer and rested his cheek against the top of my head.
“Some vampires have impressive abilities like turning wine into blood, or being able to fly, or turning back time,” he continued ruefully. “Unfortunately, all I can do is somewhat involuntarily conjure fruit when I’m nervous.”
lil nervous fruit boy frederick
“It’s one of the most ridiculous vampire powers in recorded history. And a pointless one, given that vampires cannot eat fruit.” He rubbed at the back of his neck, averting his eyes. “By the time you knew what I really was, I wanted you to think I was impressive. Not just some clueless accidental kumquat conjurer.”
Cars honked, and people carried on, just like it was any other Friday night—even as my life had suddenly and irrevocably changed.
“You like it when I don’t wear a shirt,” he said, as matter-of-factly as if he were telling me rain was in the forecast. “You like it a lot, in fact. I like doing things that please you.”
Men, women, humans—everything.”
my BI lil nervous fruit boy vampire
“You’re wrong, Cassandra. His skills are actually deeply, extremely lame insofar as these things go. But like I said, I’m not such an asshole that I would rub my cooler abilities in his face. At least, not more than once or twice a week.”
