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I feel no sympathy. No guilt. Those are emotions I’ve never experienced. I’m aware, academically, of the full range of human emotions. I’ve studied them intently so I can mimic their effects. But they have no power over me. What I do feel, I feel intensely: rage, revulsion, and pleasure.
Even if she be not harmed, her heart may fail her in so much and so many horrors; and hereafter she may suffer—both in waking, from her nerves, and in sleep, from her dreams . . .” I smile to myself. Poor little Mara is not impervious to nightmares, whatever she may pretend during the daylight hours.
“Evil men always want to justify what they do,” she says. “And it’s not by telling you all their reasons. No . . . they want to push you, and bend you, and break you until you snap. Until you do something you thought you’d never do. Until you can’t even recognize yourself. Until you’re as bad as they are. That’s how they justify themselves . . . by trying to make you the same as them.”
Right then, right as she’s about to cum, she looks directly at the camera.
She knew I would watch.
And I realize . . . she’s everything I dreamed of and more. More vengeful. More strategic. More effective. More fucked up.
Instead, a freshly hung painting awaits my view. Abstract, with large streaks of violet, scarlet, and sienna . . . She fucked on that painting, and then she hung it on my wall.
I’m struck anew by the absolute insanity of this girl. I admire her audacity. While planning how I’ll punish her for it.
She’s signed the painting in sharpie and titled it: The Best Night of My Life
“I own you now, Mara. You belong to me, whether you like it or not.”
“I can’t have another man’s mark on you.”
I feel the prick of the needle as it pierces my skin, depositing the ink deep down where it can never be removed.
Worse, she weakens my mind. My decision-making. She warps my goals and values, making me think I care about things I never gave a fuck about before. I can’t protect her. Her death is inevitable. But I’ll be damned if Shaw is the one to do it. Mara belongs to me. I’m the only one who gets to kill her.