There Are No Saints (Sinners, #1)

by Sophie Lark

I can’t protect her. Her death is inevitable. But I’ll be damned if Shaw is the one to do it. Mara belongs to me. I’m the only one who gets to kill her.

Cole’s not watching me. He’s watching for Shaw.

He terrified me, the night of the Halloween party. He did it on purpose. Deliberately flashing his fangs, because he wanted to scare me away from Shaw. Why? Because he wants to keep me safe. No matter how insane that sounds, it’s what I believe.

“It’s time for you to stop hiding,” he whispers against my throat. “It’s time for you to come home.”

If Cole is so bad, then why does he feel so good?

All in a moment, he’s gone. The buzzer sounds, the dryer stops, and I’m standing there, legs shaking, realizing that I’m definitely fucking crazy.

I go back and forth a hundred times on how I should kill her.

Mara warps who I am. But in the moment, when I’m with her . . . I like it. I see things I never saw before. I feel things. Hell, I even taste things differently.

She wants the artist, not the man. My art is death. It always has been. I’ll make it a beautiful death. A pleasurable one. She deserves that at least.

“All this space is yours?” she says. “No one alive has seen it. Except me and you.” “Secrets are lonely.”

“I know it was Alastor Shaw that took me. He dumped me in the woods for you to find.” My hand freezes above the blade. How does she know that?

“He wanted you to kill me, but you didn’t. You didn’t kill me that night or any of the nights that followed. And it’s not because you haven’t killed before. It’s because you don’t want to do it. You don’t want to hurt me.”

“You’ve been watching over me. Protecting me. Helping me. You might have told yourself it was for your own enjoyment, for your own fucked up reasons. But you care about me, Cole, I know you do. I’ve seen it. Maybe you don’t want to care. Maybe you’d like to kill me right now to stop it. But I don’t believe you will. Too much has happened between us. You’ve changed too much.”

The vibrations run all the way to my scalp, down through my fingertips and into my toes.

The pleasure draws back, but only briefly. Before the first orgasm is done, I can feel the next one building. There’s no break in between. No refractory period.

It was made for me. It’s exactly what I like.

I’ve never let a man tie me up voluntarily, I never trusted anyone enough. Now I’ve put myself under the control of the most terrifying person I’ve ever met. It’s suicidal. His hands knead my muscles like he’s tenderizing the flesh. Preparing it for slaughter.

“Please,” I cry, my voice sounding childish and pathetic. “Tell me how he spanked you,” Cole demands. I am crying now. The tears are silent, but I can feel them running down my cheeks, falling onto the table.

“The point wasn’t to touch me. It was to make me cry.”

I think I’m crying again. While I beg for more. “Harder,” I sob. “Hit me harder.”

“It’s okay to enjoy it. I know you don’t want to. I know it embarrasses you. But you need it. You’ve got all that guilt and shame built up inside of you . . . this is the only release. Because you know that after you get spanked, you’re not in trouble anymore. You can be forgiven. You’re a good girl.”

“Here’s what you need to understand Mara: it’s okay for bad things to feel good. You can take pleasure from whatever you want.”

“These ideas of right and wrong, good and evil . . . who taught them to you? Your mother? She’s the worst person you know. Was it the priest at church? Your boss at work? Who decided these things?”

“It’s up to you what’s good and what’s bad. There is no god outside you. You are god. This is your world, your life. YOU decide what to feel.”

When I know I’m right on the edge, I lift up his hands and put them around my throat. I let him choke me, his fingers squeezing harder and harder until black sparks burst in front of my eyes, drowning out the music and the room, drowning out everything but pure sensation.

I don’t know when I changed my mind about killing her.

In this instance, my motivations are slightly different. I want to revive Mara because I want to talk to her again. I want to know if she has any other ideas for the unfinished sculptures. And I want to know how she felt about what we did.

Letting her speak freely is more rewarding than manipulating her.

Smiling to myself, I set the food before her. Mara has an incredible ability to treat the bizarre as normal. To continue on in her daily life no matter what happens to her.

Mara laughs. I don’t know if I’ve ever made her laugh before. I like the way it rolls out of her, throaty and pleased.

“I don’t want to be taken care of,” she says. “I want to be seen.” My heart rate spikes as it only does for Mara. Not when I’m angry. Not when I’m violent. Only for her.

“I see you,” I say. “I know you do,” Mara replies, quietly. “And I want to see you.” “Be careful what you wish for.” She doesn’t blink or even hesitate. “It’s not a wish. It’s a requirement.”

“Wait,” Cole says, grabbing me by the back of the neck and pulling me back inside instead. He kisses me, deep and warm, with just a hint of a bite as his teeth catch my lower lip, before releasing me. The kiss makes my head spin.

“I’ll see you later,” I say, breathlessly. “I’ll definitely see you,” Cole says, a hint of a smile on his lips.

“He’s outside right now, raising a ruckus,” Hawks says, watching my face to see my reaction. Unfortunately for me, I have a shit poker face. I’m sure Hawks can tell exactly how much that surprises and pleases me. “He is?” “He’s threatening to call a whole team of lawyers if I don’t let you out.”

“About fucking time,” Cole barks, the moment he sees me. A warm rush of relief washes over me at the sight of him.

I hurry over to Cole, letting him envelop me with his arm around my shoulders, shielding me from the glares of a dozen cops.

Cole takes hold of my face with both hands. He tilts up my chin, making me look into his eyes.

“You tried it your way,” Cole says. “Now it’s time to try mine.” “What does that mean?” “You’re going to move into my house, tonight. I’ll send someone to pick up your things. You’re going to stay with me, right by my side, every fucking minute of the day so I can keep you safe. And when it’s time to deal with Shaw . . . that’ll be my way, too.” “You want me to move in with you? That’s insane.”

You pull another one of your stunts running off without me, and Shaw will gut you like a fish. I’m the only one who can protect you. Unless you want to take a chance on Officer Hawks,” Cole sneers.

I take his hand, his fingers closing around mine. “Take me home.”