Quite

by Claudia Winkleman

That – right there – is what you want: someone who doesn’t steal your thunder, who wants everyone to think ‘lucky him’ rather than ‘lucky her’. And that makes you both lucky. If he gets crotchety when the spotlight is on you, if he starts to comment on something else when you’re in the middle of a joke then he’s a bit of a tool. Or just insecure. But neither is going to work. Stay with the boy who always thinks you’re the greatest in the room, as that will last.

Do you know why I married my husband? Well, I was 26, desperate for a baby and couldn’t afford to leave home and I liked his flat and he cooked a bloody good burger and also made my head shoot off my shoulders when we took our clothes off. Which are some of the reasons.

Honestly, live your bloody life because it’s hard enough. I’m right over here cheerleading you on. Go on, you’ve absolutely got this. And if it all goes to shit I’ve got a bottle of tequila, a toasted sandwich maker and all of Oasis on vinyl. It’ll be fine.

I cannot say this strongly enough. Girls, listen to me when I tell you to nerd the fuck up.

Everything else is just croutons. Don’t want somebody’s life, take full responsibility for your own.