Maestro

by Auden Dar

And I wonder if falling in love with someone you can never have is better than not falling in love at all.

He laughs. “Aurelia.” “What?” “I’d go wherever you are.” I spit out my drink.

It’s still magic. It’s one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Chad just does this. He makes ordinary moments into a concert experience. He turns dim sum and perverts and bookstores into something extraordinary. Every moment in his life he can make into a story, or even a symphony.

“Have you read this?” Chad asks as he holds up a torn copy of Lolita. “Yes.” “I knew I liked you for a reason.” He puts his hand on his chest and says, “Aurelia, angel of my life, music in my soul.”

He goes into the other room and returns with his backpack and violin case. He sits on my bed. The bed where I lie and think of him daily. His backpack rests on top of my bedsheets that hug my body at night when I’m dreaming of him.

Awe young love 😍

I almost scream when Chad dives on the bed beside me. I am lying on my bed with a boy. We are horizontal on a soft surface. In an empty house. No adults. I’m breaking mom’s rules right now. This has to be illegal in some countries. I’m dead meat if we get caught and nobody will know where to sprinkle my ashes.

Chad clears his throat. “Something I want to tell you.” “What?” You love me too? He pauses for a beat longer than expected, thoughtfully weighing what he wants to share with me. Our knees almost touch when I say, “Tell me.” Tell me you love me too. “I dated a girl while I was in Germany. Nothing serious. But… you know. I thought I’d just tell you.” No, I will never forget this day. It’s the first time I understand what brokenhearted means.

“If only life could be as clear as the vodka in my glass,” I say, downing another glass of Grey Goose.

I read somewhere that every person is meant to be with someone. God placed us on Earth to love, to be loved, and to create.

Unlike a few months ago, when I would cry anywhere and everywhere, I now only cry in the shower.

I’ll fight anyone and anything getting in our way. My fucking sword is ready for battle. I’m going to conquer her heart.

It doesn’t matter we’re outside and pedestrians have passed us. We’re acting like Armageddon’s here.

I lost my heart when I found Aurelia. When I lost her, I lost myself.

“Don’t forget that I love you,” I tell her. “I won’t.” “Good.” I sit on my heels, admiring the pearls of sweat trickling down her full breast. She’ll be drenched in a few minutes. “Because I’m going to fuck you like I don’t.” I turn her over. “Get on all fours.”

“There are five kinds of broken hearts,” Ms. Luz says to me as her bow sweeps across the open C string. “The first is when a boy tells you he can’t date you anymore because of ambition,” Renna whispers as she plucks a harp. “The second is when a man tells you he’s marrying someone else,” Sera utters as she writes in her notebook. “The third is when you fall in love with someone else’s child,” Gabriel says, sketching a portrait of Astor. “The fourth is when you watch your love leave this world,” Mom cries as her delicate finger turns the page of a book. “And then there’s the fifth when your heart knows it is time to let him go,” Maestro von Paradis says as he closes the violin case before approaching the podium.

love can grace even the most heartbreaking betrayal.

For some, first love is a fleeting spark heralding the greater loves to come. For others, first love is the only love. The greatest love.