Maestro

by Auden Dar

His smile is ridiculous. Blinding. Gorgeous. And I could be happy all day, having him smile at me like that.

“What did you think?” I think your smile is the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen. “That was epic, huh?” Your smile is epic. You offer it without hesitation. It’s infectious. “What did you think?” he asks again. I think you just became my first crush.

Five months ago, Uncle Jay convinced Mom to buy a few stocks in a computer company whose logo is an apple.

lol

“I’m telling you, you got in.” “If I didn’t, are we still friends?” “You’re kidding me, right?” “No.” “Listen,” he says in a low voice. “If you didn’t, then LaGuardia made a huge mistake. But no matter what, wherever we are in life, we’ll always be friends. Got it?” “Okay.” “Friends forever. Say it.” “Friends forever.”

Ugh, I want him to be mine. MINE.

“I want to be with you all the time,” he continues, and I’m putty. “When I’m out and about, all I can think of is you. In the middle of practice, I stop and wonder what you’re doing. Every piece I play, I want to play with you. Every book I read, I want to read with you.”

“Aurelia, you’re more than my forever friend. You’re more than my girlfriend. You are and will always be her. The person I love the most. No matter where we are in our lives, you’ll always be her. Never forget that,” Chad says, his eyes filled with promise. “I love you.”

Are all guys like this? Utterly stupid whenever an attractive woman comes along?

“We meet the most important people in our lives when we don’t even know how much we need them.”

A burning need escalates, and I’m finally striking the match, even though I’m still afraid of the fire.

I want this more than anything. I’m not ready for this. I have nothing to lose. I have everything to lose.

“I won’t be gentle,” he says, his voice low and hoarse.

“I hated the thought of other men worshipping you the way I’m about to. But at least I knew none of them would make you feel the way I do. I’m going to fuck you until you know it, too. Until you feel all my hurt and pain.”

“I’ll give it all up for you.”

“What we have is inexplicable. Undefinable. Even music would be hard-pressed to express what we have. How much I fucking love you.

“Because no one will ever love you the way I do. No one.” He exhales and I can actually feel the heat radiating off of his body. “And no one…. no one… will ever believe in you the way I do.” Although he tries to sound cold and unfeeling, the slight tremble in his voice reveals the pain underneath it all.

“You’re not enough,” I hear myself say, our hearts breaking beneath the lie.

“Will you be a bridesmaid?”

Oh fuck this girl

“Did you ever consider that maybe our destiny wasn’t about music… that maybe it was as simple as us being together?”

“Make sure you have control over your life. Some dictated it for years, but moving forward, be the conductor of your own life.”

Someone can love you with all their heart, but won’t let you in completely.

We’ve misjudged time. We allow it to pass with the belief we always have tomorrow.

“I’m the boy who fell in love with you at thirteen, loves you at thirty-three, and who will love you until his last dying breath.”

You can go into a relationship with the best intentions. But in the end, both hearts need to be open. Mine was never fully opened.

Someone holding you at night, whispering sweet words, doesn’t end loneliness.

I can love two men, but I can only be in love with one. And when you fall in love with your soulmate, you never fall out of love.

“Don’t forget that I love you,” I tell her. “I won’t.” “Good.” I sit on my heels, admiring the pearls of sweat trickling down her full breast. She’ll be drenched in a few minutes. “Because I’m going to fuck you like I don’t.” I turn her over. “Get on all fours.”

“You’re as essential as the air I breathe, the water I drink, the music I play. Without you, I’m barely breathing. Barely existing. I refuse to be without you.”

It’s easier to forgive others than it is to forgive ourselves.

Time doesn’t heal loss. It only changes it.

And what is life without hope?