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Every kiss becomes a note added to a composition. Every touch and caress, every sigh and moan and whispered word, creating a sonata. Then a concerto. Then a symphony.
I never want Chad to stop orchestrating the rhythm of my heart.
I need my mother. I’ll take the next train and go to Mom’s hospital. I need Mom’s medical attention for an acute broken heart.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. The past few weeks have been taxing. You don’t trust me. I’ve had nothing but rehearsals and lessons, and yet you think I’m lying about where I am. I’m not your dad. I would never cheat on you. I think we just need a little break to focus on our music. I know you find it hard to believe, but I love you. I always will.
I’ve decided, screw it, I’m getting out of this funk. I’m only seventeen and have never been to a high school party. I may be heartbroken, but I’m not dead. I’m going.
“I still love you. I’ll always love you. You’ll always be her—the only girl I want.”
Dear Aurelia, I performed Four Seasons in Buenos Aires tonight. I was transported to the first time we met. Grandfather was right: a certain melody can take us back to memories or a moment with someone we love. I have no new memories to share, so I relive my past with you. I close my eyes and I’m with you at the Little Flower Theatre, meeting you for the first time. Do you remember our conversation? I remember as if it were only yesterday. I dream of all our firsts. Our first time hanging out in your home in Forest Hills. The first time we lay side by side in bed. I wanted to kiss you then as
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want to hold you close and never let you go. I want to kiss you so hard, even if it means losing my breath. I want to tell you I love you and only you. I want you to know I’d give everything up to be with you again. Everything.
he’s always been there. Starring in my dreams. Illustrating my thoughts. Orchestrating my heart.
You know my thoughts before I voice them. You hear my melodies before I play them. You listen to my craziness and read between the lines.
You possess my heart. Something no one has conquered but you. I’ll always need you in my life.
Before we left, I asked, “Will you give us a second chance?” Did you hear my desperation?
hear a gorgeous voice singing Cole Porter’s “Night and Day” in the living room. Chad and I remain on the floor, enjoying the performance. “Was that your mom?” He grins.
me she could sing.” “It’s rare. She may have had too many martinis.”
“Aurelia, I want you to be mine again.”
This kiss is urgent, needy, demanding. Possessive and apologetic. The longest kiss in the history of kisses. Heavy breathing. Tongues tangled. Lips swollen. Our hands roam, searching for everything we missed these past few years.
“God, Aurelia, I missed kissing your lips.” Kiss. “I missed the way you’d look at me with those bewitching eyes.” Kiss. “The way you taste everywhere.” Kiss. “I missed all of you.” Kiss. “Every. Single. Inch.”
A burning need escalates, and I’m finally striking the match, even though I’m still afraid of the fire.
“I won’t be gentle,” he says, his voice low and hoarse.
Chad didn’t lie; he’s not gentle, fucking me like I’m a sinner in need of salvation. He’s no longer a teenage boy. He’s all man, and not only does he know my body, he’s claimed it. Relentless now, pounding into me, ensuring I’ll never leave him again.
tiptoe and kiss him lightly on the lips. He kisses me back, deep. All tongue. All need. All with love.
We made love all night like the world was ending. Even with his talk of forever, I know it’s us that needs to end.
Love will wait for us.
Dear Chad, The past few days here with you have been the best time of my life. It also made me realize that what I want more than anything in this world is for you to give your all to the symphony. You have the opportunity to do what you’ve always wanted to do. Take it. I can stay here and play with your orchestra, but we both know I’d be in the way. This is your time. And this will be mine as well. I want us to be the best. And that means focusing on nothing else but the music. Make that symphony the best in the world. Do what you’ve always been destined to do… Love, Aurelia
Leaving him is going to shatter both of us, but I can’t have him lose what he’s worked all his life for. “Have you thought about what I want?” I want you. I want you to be the best. I want you to live your dreams. And I want to be the woman who will always be with you. “What do you want, Aurelia?” “I want to be on my own,” I croak. “You’re breaking up with me?” he says calmly, but he looks down at me in alarm. “Yes,” I whisper as the room spins, breaking both our hearts. “I want to do my own thing.” He’s quiet, pensive. The only sounds floating around us are pedestrians
I could pretend it was a mistake. I could pretend I was just crazy with lust. But I’d be lying. It’s love. It’s always been love with Chad. And this broken heart is beating again.
ll share these mementos with the kids Chad and I will have in the future. Combing through newspaper clippings and magazine articles, there’s one thing I’m certain of: Chad has made his mark in the classical world several
My eyes roam his handsome face, and when they land on his piercing eyes, my heartbeat quickens.
In one quick move, he lifts me up only to pull me down so I’m sitting on his face. The feel of Chad’s warm mouth on my sex is nirvana. He licks, sucks, laps—devouring me as if this is the last time we’ll be together. My shoulders quake and legs tremble; I smack my forehead against the upholstered headboard several times. Thump. Thump. Thump.
“I love you, Aurelia.” “I love you too,” I say. “Sometimes I wonder how you could love me after all that’s transpired between us.” “Because there are days when I feel alone,” Chad says, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. He turns to face me. “And all that can carry me through are memories of us.” His smile is tight and sad. “They also make me believe we can have it again.”
“If last night had been our last night on earth, I wouldn’t have changed a thing.”
“And Aurelia—” “Yes?” “You’re still her,” he says. “You’ll always be her. The one I love the most.”
I wrote this while you were sleeping. You will always be my muse. My only muse.
they forgot about me.” “What do you mean?” “They started screwing without me.” “Oh,” I say. We both burst
at LaGuardia Arts. I fell in love with you in that auditorium. I helped him pick out the comfortable navy sofa and the two end tables. The large bookcase, extending from one end of the room to the other, brims with books and vinyl. His favorite record player sits proudly on a stand, playing Art of Noise’s “The Seduction of Claude Debussy.” The grand piano is still by the window where I stood and stared for months while he was away. Several manuscripts sit atop the bench. Two music stands remind me of all the duets we played together. It’s been nine months since Chad and I saw each other. I’m
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stairs and demand some answers. “Aurelia, please stay. Sit with me.” Sera’s still smiling as she unloads two water bottles from her brown grocery bag. She puts them on the coffee table and sits next to me. I raise my eyebrow. This makes no sense. Chad always stocks his fridge with beverages. Even when he’s away, it’s always stocked just in case one of his twin brothers stays over. An unfinished bottle of Orangina, my favorite drink, is still on the side table. My gaze moves down to the Persian rug. Sera doesn’t have shoes on, but house slippers. She’s made herself at home in what I always
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And then live it.” * * * I return from my time with Priscilla to find Emil in front of my building
Goodbye. A word we often say daily. A word I’ve become too familiar with. Goodbye. I refused to say mine until now. I had refused to let go … … of the boy who gave me my first kiss. … of the man I gave myself to. … of the man who broke me into pieces.
Sliding down the cool wood, I allow myself one last time to cry for the boy I gave my heart to. And the man I let go.
Unlike a few months ago, when I would cry anywhere and everywhere, I now only cry in the shower.
how are you holding up?” I offer a weak smile. “I’m here, right?” “Have you seen the baby?” “Yes. He’s big and gorgeous. He looks a lot like
“I am.” “I can’t imagine how hard this is for you.” “I’m really fine,” I say with more conviction. Tilting my chin, he says, “You know you can always talk to me, right? I’ve been worried since you haven’t
worry anymore.” “I won’t.” His eyes zoom in on me, like a human flashlight. “I won’t let this opportunity pass me by.” “Opportunity?” “The timing may be off, but I’d love to take you out.” “Out?” “A date,
I’m the fool who’ll always love you,
Heartbreak is an incurable disease. At times, it’s dormant. Quiet. But you know it’s there, taunting as it lingers. Occasional flare-ups that intensify after periods of remission. I’m living with this disease, learning how to manage it. Own it.
basket. You love that child the way I love
says, his voice barely audible. “Please come home.” When I enter Priscilla’s bedroom, Miranda sits in a corner, distraught. Her gaze is on my stepmother—her employer for over thirty years. Miranda was more than an assistant. She was
m your child too. The echoes of a Gregorian chant run through my mind, even though the church is silent. The choir left not too long ago. Even the organist left for the day. I sit in solitude. The tranquility of this space, with Jesus
was interrupted by my need to return to an empty apartment and console my broken heart with bourbon. I
vacuum cleaners. Although they’ve been cleaning for several hours,
