Monstrilio

by Gerardo Sámano Córdova

I set my book down. “I think I do. I miss him.” “And Lena?” “What about Lena?” “She’s in love with you, you know.” “Mami!” Lena’s love was a secret treasure I held dear, supposed to be only my own. “Oh, Magos, it’s quite evident.” “Do you think she would have me? It’s been so long. And I’m still married. And I may still love Joseph.” “Do you love her?” “I do, but I’m not attracted to her.” “Why not?” “Are you?” “I could see myself being attracted to her, if I were younger. One is free to explore.” “Jackie?” I asked. My mother did not betray anything, not even a shrug. I laughed and interlaced my hand with hers. Her hand was more wrinkled than I remembered but still as regal, or perhaps even more. Her nails had been filed into neat, rounded points and had been painted perfectly in red. Her rings protruded shiny and elegant, as much part of her hands as her bones. My mother kissed my hand. Back when Lena lived with us, during university, I thought about being with her. I was attracted to her intelligence, her ease. We kissed once. A delicious kiss full of saliva and desire. But I realized my desire was different from hers. She lusted carnally, her flesh hot, her hands horny on my body. I didn’t lust, or at least my lust wasn’t as physical, more of an admiration, a sense of pride in having someone like her want me. And besides, I was already enamored of Joseph by then.