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Before. Never had a word so haunted Alex.
Some things were easier once you just … decided.
Alex rubbed his own hand, missing the familiar weight. The gold-and-blue ring he’d worn for so long was back on Eidolon, sitting next to the urn he’d abandoned. Sitting alone in the dark closet, cold, empty, a promise that could no longer be fulfilled.
Alex thought he was beginning to understand why so many religions started in the desert. The emptiness of the land did something to a person’s brain, focused it on the strangeness of one’s inner life.
None of the things he’d been so upset about mattered. Not in the grand scheme of things. Only he hadn’t understood that. The lesson was yet untaught and unlearned, and his two teachers—grief and regret—yet waited for him. He wept as he relived the moment, wishing he could break the chain of causality, to step out of time and hug her and tell her he loved her and that the angst and anger were just a mistake. Too much stress, too much work, not enough sleep. But he couldn’t. Events unfolded as they always had, and causality condemned him to relive his sins.
Why couldn’t he just let go, for once, and be free of the horrors that had tormented him from the moment he’d received the fateful call that marked the end of before and the beginning of the joyless now?
“Eat the path.” —INARË
