The Book of Azrael (Gods & Monsters, #1)

by Amber V. Nicole

“Look like the innocent flower but be the serpent underneath.” - Shakespeare. Macbeth, Act 1, Scene 5.

“The fabled World Ender. The legend. The Son of Unir. Wielder of the Blade of Oblivion. And where is he?”

I had become a creature that could rip memories from blood, summon flame in an instant, and shift shape into any beast I wished. Every single time I had to feed, I felt less mortal. But it was the price I paid for her life. The sad part? Compared to the alternative, I didn’t hate it. For the first time in a long time, I’d slipped up. I’d hesitated, and he’d seen it.

“I said I didn’t want to. Not that I wouldn’t.” He smiled at me as his hands touched my wrist. “Better to die by what you think is right than to live under a lie.”

I did not belong there—but then, I didn’t belong anywhere.

“It is a flower.” “Yes, but do you think it’s pretty?” “Yes.” “Do you know that a single petal can be toxic? It can even make a god sick if enough of it is consumed. So, even this could be a monster. It does not need teeth, claws, or any other scary feature to be deadly.”

He probably hated me, but he could not hate me more than I hated myself.

“It’s okay to not be okay, Liam.” My chest tightened, and I was quiet for a moment. I’d never had anyone there for me. Not like this. Not when I’d bared pieces of my soul and revealed my weaknesses. She was my enemy, yet my enemy was the only one who seemed to understand me and the demons I fought. Even so, her words were the farthest thing from the truth. “It’s okay to not be okay.” I shook my head. “Not for me.”

“Miss Mar—” He stopped, his jaw clenching. “Dianna. How can I trust you if you keep things from me, but ask me to bare my soul?”

“I envy you.” My brow furrowed as I stared at her. “What?” She shrugged, her eyes reflecting the moonlight. “I’ll never get to see those other worlds. This realm is all I will ever know. But I wish I could see more.” “Maybe one day.”

“I know I am not a good person.” She paused and let out a short, humorless laugh. “Gods, I’m not a person at all anymore. I know my fate, and it’s one I deserve, but Gabby is innocent. She always has been. I may have been the strong one who stole so we could eat, the one who fought so we could live, but she held me together. Her only fault is that she loves me. Even when I was at my worst and lowest, she never stopped loving me. She deserves to be happy. I’ve chained her to this life for too long. So, promise me. If something goes wrong and I don’t make it, promise me you will keep her safe. Please. Just promise me.”

She was silently pleading, desperately begging me to keep her sister safe. I decided then and there that this woman should never beg. I understood she cared for her sister, but who cared for her?

“Okay, fine, not your nemesis. But what about a friend?” “Yes.” I nodded. “My friend.”

I didn’t remember how long we talked, but somewhere amidst her laughter and smiles, I decided I would rip the world apart for her.

UGHHHHH

“You already consume my every waking thought. Must you consume my dreams as well?”

“So, if you had a chance, just say hypothetically, would you give it up?” His eyes met mine, something flashing in the stormy depths. “To not be king?” I nodded. “In a heartbeat. Yes. If it meant I could be whoever I wanted, do whatever I wanted, I would give it up.”

“That’s what you are wearing?” I held my arms out and looked down. “What’s wrong with my dress?” He looked genuinely confused for a moment. “Dress? That is not a dress. You look as though you plan to bed him immediately after dinner.” My mouth dropped open. “Excuse me? I am not bedding anyone, you ancient jerk!”

“Are you in love with her?” My mouth dropped open. “Ethan!” I snapped, glaring at him as Drake spit his wine halfway across the table. “No,” Liam said, completely ignoring Drake and me. “She is my friend, nothing more, nothing less.”

“On Rashearim, we had a flower that put the beauty of this one to shame. It had rings of yellow and blue that moved in waves across the petals when you touched it. It was called orneliamus, or liam for short. They were my mother’s favorite, and a symbol of strength and protection. They could adapt to any climate and were so sturdy, they were nearly impossible to kill. It took the death of the planet to eradicate them.”

“A word of advice then, World Ender. Do not fill her head with pretty words. Do not make her beautiful gowns. Do not take her on midnight strolls through a garden or give her handpicked flowers. Kaden has fed her scraps for years to keep her in line. She is a woman who craves love, no matter what she says. If you have no intention of staying or being with her, don’t court her and make her care. Don’t be the one to make her fall if you have no intention of catching her.”

“Yellows and pinks, vibrant and warm, kind of like her.” I placed my fork down, grabbing the thin white paper cloth she’d brought and wiping my mouth. She beamed. “Yeah, that sounds like her. What about mine? What do I look like?” “Very similar.” I did not want to tell her what danced around her. I did not want her to feel less than what she was. Hers was vibrant, yes, but it was a mix of reds and blacks with a hint of yellow. It was pure swirling chaos, like the edge of the universe itself.

Dianna laughed, and I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I hated the way they smiled at one another. I wondered if she thought of his perfectly flawless skin and dreamed of touching it. Would he let her if she asked? It was not like mine, marred and scarred from the battles fought throughout my lifetime. Sure, I might have been taller, and my muscle definition was more pronounced than his, but I would never be the flawless creature he was.

Dianna was not mine, and we were only associates … friends. But if that was the truth, why did my heart ache?

“Ignore him. I wanted to apologize, Dianna, not fight you.” “There is nothing to apologize for.” Her breathing stopped, and I felt her twist her wrists in my hand. “We’re not friends.” “Stop saying that!”

“I am sorry for how I acted and have been acting. There is too much happening at the moment with me, and I am letting things bother me. I allowed people who mean nothing to get to me. You have helped me tremendously since we first started. I truly do appreciate it, and you. I am sorry.”

“I am not saying that it is a bad thing,” I added, refusing to take the bait, not trying to argue with her. “I have trained for centuries; so have they. You have the right motions, just not the execution. You were also trained by someone who probably did not want you strong enough to overpower him. Dianna, you are already dangerous. Now let’s make you lethal.”

She did not ask me to join her at night, and I did not go to her. A few times I’d stopped outside her door, my hand raised to knock, but I’d stopped myself each time. I kept telling myself it was better that way, since my stay was not permanent. Even if I yearned for it, I could not get attached to her warmth and the comfort she brought me.

“Let me look,” I practically begged. She held up her staff, pointing it at my chest, keeping me at a distance. “I said I’m fine. Raise your weapon. Would you check on your enemy when you hurt them? No.” “You are not my enemy,” I said flatly. Pain flashed in her eyes, but all she said was, “Raise your weapon.”

He smiled a slow, cocky grin. “And you say you’re not in love with her.” “I am not, but she still deserves someone in her life that cares about her beyond the physical acts you keep suggesting. Someone that respects her and treats her as an equal, not some pawn. She has no one but her sister.”

She says we are overprotective, but someone has to be. So, no, you shouldn’t feel threatened by me—but you should also stop trying so hard not to feel something for her. She may be the very creature you have been raised to destroy, but she is so much more than that. So much more. Take it from someone who lost their love. Don’t take what you feel for granted. It is worth everything.”

“Santiago will perish for what he did to you, and there was no…” I paused, not wishing to lie to her. “There was very little tongue. And for your information, she showed me where our next target is.”

I didn’t follow her this time. Instead, I appeared in front of her, grabbing her arms and making her stop. “Hey, I did not choose anyone over you.” Her eyes blazed once more. “Let me go.” I did, but she didn’t move away, so I went on. “Dianna, she showed me visions when she kissed me. Showed me what our next move is. She has been working undercover like you this entire time. That is all, and the only reason she kissed me.”

When she had reacted with disgust at the idea of kissing me, it had stung. I had never been rejected, and maybe it was just ego, but I had a feeling it was more than that. She didn’t know how badly I had wanted it to be her lips beneath mine.

“Are you jealous?” I asked, and a part of me prayed to the old gods that the answer was yes.

Her voice was a breathy whisper, and one she had never used with me. “Do you want me to be?”

I knew nothing of love, but I knew I wanted her, needed her, and dreamed of her. It was the most inappropriate and irresponsible thing I could ever want for myself. I just wanted to feel, and a single touch from her set my body alight. I wanted her hands on every part of me, and I wanted it more than I had ever wanted anything. It was the most selfish desire in the world, but I wanted her more than a crown, more than a throne, more than air. I had confirmation that the Book of Azrael existed and the threat of war loomed, but all my thoughts centered on Dianna. Camilla was correct. She had seduced me. More than that, she owned me—and she didn’t even know it.

Even the old gods feared it, and I had promised myself I would never summon it again. I had thought there was nothing that could force me to break my vow, but the way these creatures had mocked Dianna, her pain, and her fate had proven me wrong. Dianna was worth it, and I would risk it all for her. I smiled and unleashed. A flick of my ring, and silver armor erupted over my body, covering me from head to toe. I would go to war for her.

“You told me to go to bed, so that’s what I am doing.” “Not here. You have your own.” “I don’t want my own.” And I didn’t. I needed to be close to her. I’d almost lost her. Couldn’t she see that?

“Gods, you are cold! You weren’t lying.” I smiled. I wouldn’t mention that I could control my body temperature. It was necessary that I be close to her, and if that meant a small lie of omission, I could live with that. When she’d vanished, I had been terrified I would never see her again. “No, I wasn’t.”

“I tried to fight, but there were too many,” she said. “You were perfect.”

She snorted. “I am no warrior.” “Yes, you are. Along with being brave, stubborn, crass, and volatile, you are one of the strongest people I know. You fight me on everything. Which is saying a lot, considering everyone trembles when I enter the room.” She chuckled and closed her eyes. “Hey, look at me. You would have to be an ignorant fool not to think you are anything but extraordinary, Dianna.”

There were no words to describe how Dianna’s lips felt against mine, but with that first kiss, my gravity shifted. I may not have the words to do justice to her or what I was feeling, but I knew if she would let me, I would happily spend a millennium trying.

I had kissed and been kissed thousands of times in my lifetime, but nothing compared to this moment. With the right person, a kiss was so much more than a kiss. It was pure, unfiltered ecstasy. A part of my soul had been waiting for this woman, and one kiss from her had undone me. A voice I couldn’t ignore quietly insisted that she was what I had been missing. It’s her. It’s her. It’s her.

She moaned against my mouth, her tongue dancing against mine, and I knew I would move planets to hear that sound over and over again.

“Do you wish to know why I avoided you? Why I couldn’t bear to spend another night beside you?”

“Because I could not lie there, close to you, and not wish to be inside you.”

“That’s eight ways now, because when we leave here, I’m going to fuck the word friend out of your vocabulary.”

“I’m not leaving you.” I ran my hand over the sweat-drenched side of his face before I kissed him hard and quick. “Maybe in another life,” I whispered against his lips.

Then there was nothing. The world went completely silent without her. My tears had refused to stop falling, and I hadn’t understood that pain. I had not felt like that in centuries—not since my father died. I had cradled the empty shell that was Dianna, searching for the light in her gorgeous face. No longer would she laugh at the most inappropriate times. She wouldn’t correct me over the most idiotic things. She was gone, and I’d felt like a part of me was, too. I had known her for mere months, but in that short time, I had grown deeply attached to her. She’d helped me in my darkest moments, steadily pulling me from that deep-seated hatred I felt for myself. She’d helped me even when I’d been less than kind to her—and now she was gone.

I’d concentrated on picturing her whole once more, laughing, happy, and sassy. I’d seen her smiling again. Didn’t she understand how important she was? I knew I couldn’t raise the dead or restore lost life, but I had to try. I had promised her.