This is what it’s like to have fluctuating abilities. My autism diagnosis states that I’m “without verbal impairment,” because that’s true 99% of the time. But once every hundred days or so, I get a day where talking is a hundred times harder. The very hardest time for me to talk is when I’m startled. If a sudden noise hurts my ears, and a stranger asks if I’m okay, I silently think, I’m not okay. You’ve caught me off-guard, only halfway recovered from an overwhelming moment. I’m trying to regain my sense of balance, as if I was spinning and suddenly stopped. Finding words right now feels like
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