What I Mean When I Say I'm Autistic: Unpuzzling a Life on the Autism Spectrum

by Annie Kotowicz

this pattern contributes to the false stereotype that autistic people lack empathy, because it can make people feel like we’re minimizing their struggles by turning the focus on ourselves. For me, though, sharing an analogous story is an expression of empathy—a tangible proof to back up my claim that I can understand how someone feels. It’s also an invitation for them to compare and contrast, telling me how their experience differs, so that I can understand them better.

Mental Modes I feel like my brain has two settings, which I call “flexible mode” and “safe mode.” I can usually choose which one I want to be in, though it takes some time to switch back and forth. Both have pros and cons.

Give notice. Unpredictability is stressful. If you let me know your plans ahead of time, I can prepare for them.

Neurodiversity Many of the problems faced by autistics spring less from our autism and more from how others react to it. We live in a world where other people make the rules for what counts as “normal” behavior, so it can create tension if we break those rules by accident, don’t understand them to begin with, or aren’t able to follow them even when we want to.