Anger

by Thich Nhat Hanh

As children, our fathers and our mothers taught us how to breathe, how to walk, how to sit, how to eat, and how to speak. But when we come to the practice, we are reborn, as spiritual beings. So we have to learn how to breathe again, mindfully. We learn how to walk again, mindfully. We want to learn how to listen again, mindfully and with compassion. We want to learn how to speak again, with the language of love, to honor our original commitment. “Darling, I suffer. I am angry. I want you to know it.” This expresses faithfulness to your commitment. “Darling, I am doing my best. I am taking good care of my anger. For me and for you also. I don’t want to explode, to destroy myself and destroy you. I am doing my best. I am putting into practice what I have learned from my teacher, from my sangha.” This faithfulness will inspire respect and confidence in the other party. And lastly, “Darling, I need your help.” This is a very strong statement, because usually when you’re angry, you have the tendency to say, “I don’t need you.” If you can say these three sentences with sincerity, from your heart, a transformation will take place in the other person. You cannot doubt the effect of such a practice. You influence the other person to start practicing, too, just by your behavior. She will think, “He is faithful to me. He is keeping his commitment. He is trying to do his best. I must do the same.”