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I’ve lived nearly all my life with two incompatible ideas in my head: I wish I were dead and I’m glad my suicides failed. I’ve never once thought, If only I’d successfully killed myself, I would have been spared all this living I’ve done.
“I realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfixable was totally fixable—except for having just jumped.”
One might say I started with the “You’ll miss me when I’m gone” version of suicide and wound up with the “I can’t take the smell of me any longer” version.
“Reduce the pain; remove the blinders; lighten the pressure—all three, just a little bit.” Ideally, a friend or a therapist helps us to do this. But these are also things we can do for ourselves.
