She Is a Haunting

by Trang Thanh Tran

One day, I’ll buy you a house in Vietnam, is the promise younger Jade made. Mom might have forgotten or took it as childish nonsense, but I meant every word. I grinded it out in school, in extracurriculars, and at jobs, so that we would be worth that first step into the rickety boat that took her to the States. All that work, only for me to screw it up in a deal with Ba.

I have it wrong, anyway. Mom doesn’t want a new house. She wants the one she left behind as an eight-year-old girl. She wants nostalgia. In my family, I’m not the only one chasing after ghosts.

In Vietnamese, there’s so many words to convey closeness, but why did no one teach me to say I love you when it’s hard?

Who am I but someone others define?