Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse, Gaslighting, Codependency and Complex PTSD (4 Books in 1): Workbook and Guide to Overcome Trauma, Toxic Relationships, ... and Recover from Unhealthy Relationships)

by Linda Hill

When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The misinformation will feel unfair, but stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth just like you did. –Jill Blakeway

Lack of accountability for their actions, and negative reaction to criticism

You can’t force someone to respect you, but you can refuse to be disrespected. –Mohammad Rishad Sakhi

They tell you that you aren’t remembering something right or that you’re plain out wrong when you know you are right. ○ They make you feel that your thoughts and feelings don’t matter to anyone else, either. ○ They withhold information, then act like they don’t know what you’re talking about. ○ They give you the silent treatment. ○ They make you doubt your own thoughts by questioning the validity of them. ○ They justify their actions because it’s for your own good. ○ They deny something ever happened.

Not only do they expect others to change to meet their needs, they also believe they’re in control of themselves and everyone/everything around them.

Never give them ammo. Guard your thoughts, feelings, and other areas of your inner self carefully. Anything you reveal to them, they will use against you in some way.

You don’t owe them explanations or justifications. If anything, they owe this to their victims, but it shouldn’t be expected. Trying to explain or justify feelings to a narcissist is another way to hand them ammo. They don’t communicate, they won’t reason and they don’t care about working out issues. All they care about is winning.

Don’t expect accountability. This point has been touched on earlier, but understanding that they won’t take onus for their behavior saves a lot of time and energy. If you want to verbalize their responsibility for their actions for ease of mind, that’s certainly appropriate. But don’t expect them to take what you say to them to heart.

The best way to fight back in your own way is to stick to your values and be true to yourself.

I didn’t leave because I stopped loving you. I left because the longer I stayed, the less I loved myself. –Rupi Kaur