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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Linda Hill
Started reading
October 25, 2025
When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The misinformation will feel unfair, but stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth just like you did.
The concern is when the self becomes the focus over their goals, even at the cost of other people’s wants and needs.
Display perfectionism in every area of their lives, and expect it from others
Deficit in their ability to regulate their self-esteem
Lack of emotional connection with others, and only associate with people they consider to be close to their own status
Lack of empathy
Lack of accountability for their actions, and negative reaction to criticism
being self-loathing,
Vulnerable: These individuals are also known as “closet narcissists” because although they still have beliefs of superiority, they are more introverted and avoid the spotlight. Usually, they attach themselves to those who are considered popular and already receive special treatment, rather than actively seeking it out themselves. They get attention by playing the victim or through false generosity. In other words, they don’t give from the heart, they do it for the attention it gives them.
Inverted: This subtype only relates to vulnerable or covert groups. These individuals are the wounded victims who blame everyone else for what they’ve gone through. They attach themselves to other narcissists to feel exceptional, and these people are most likely to have developed their personality from childhood trauma.
Absorbing manipulative tactics from caregivers, siblings, or friends
highly belittled for bad behavior
Unclear boundaries or expectations
Experiences of trauma, neglect, abandonment, or abuse in childhood
Inconsistent or unreliable caregiving
Unrealistic focus placed on
capabilities
You can’t force someone to respect you, but you can refuse to be disrespected.
It’s easy to fall prey both to their strategies, as well as to be lured back into them once you’ve been courageous enough to end the relationship.
those who fall in the sadistic mindset are more likely than others not to let go as easily.
make the victim look like the bad person, or attack the victim’s good nature or reputation just to twist the knife of pain.
it’s easier to recognize the tactics than it is to effectively respond to them initially.
Gaslighting:
highest forms of manipulation and leaves the victim confused and doubting their own sanity.
loses their ability to trust themselves or their own perceptions of what’s real.
They tell you that you aren’t remembering something right or that you’re plain out wrong when you know you are right.
They make you feel that your thoughts and feelings don’t matter to anyone else, either.
They withhold information, then act like they don’t know what you’re talking about.
They make you doubt your own thoughts by questioning the validity of them.
They justify their actions because it’s for your own good.
They deny something ever happened.
Projection:
the act of one person putting uncomfortable feelings or accountability onto someone else.
Deflection:
the act of avoiding an issue or problem by talking around it until the initial subject matter is lost or forgotten.
Distortion: This is a tactic where the narcissist twists the truth around in such a way, you actually doubt yourself, even though the facts were clear in your mind before confronting the narcissist.
They’re always trying to prove themselves as being right.
They form a conclusion based on one incident and generalize it to everything else.
They jump to conclusions based on what they think rather than on facts.
They’ll either magnify the importance of specific details, or minimize or completely disregard them.
They play the emotional card, overshadowing any sense of logical thinking.
Not only do they expect others to change to meet their needs, they also believe they’re in control of themselves and everyone/everything around them.
Negging: This is a form of emotional manipulation where the person gives backhanded compliments to elicit self-doubt and slowly tear away at the receiver’s self-esteem.
