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Mom whispers, “Ya know. Sometimes when a boy is mean to a girl, it means he has a crush on her.” I cringe, pulling away. “Ew, Mom. I could never have a crush on Scar.” “Maybe not now. But someday, you might realize you did all along.”
I’m the one who shivers at my own fucked-up thoughts. The one who fights like hell to wake up from his nightmares, only to find out I was never asleep.
“I. Will. Never. Not. Hate. You, Scar. Do you understand me?”
“Nothing you do or say will ever change the sheer agony I feel in your presence. I despise you. Your touch repulses me. Your existence makes me sick. You are toxic. A poison I refuse to ingest. Crew and Jagger can drink it up, but not me. I’d die first.”
Why do I look at her with Crew and Jagger and want nothing more than to decapitate my own friends, just so they can’t look at her or taste her ever again? Why does the thought of any guy looking at her and undressing her with their eyes make me want to put her in a cage and keep her as my own little pet? I hate her. Everything about her repulses me. So why do I want her so fucking bad?
“Maddie is not in jeopardy of potentially falling in love with the likes of that girl one day. You, my son, are. She’s going to grow up to be just as beautiful as her mother, but you mustn’t let her looks deceive you. Girls like that will suck you in and spit you out, then stomp on you when you’re down.”
“There’s no one else for me, Scar. Never will be.” My words have never been truer. No one can satisfy me the way Scar does. She gives me everything I want and need. The sass that puts me in my place. The emotions that drive me fucking crazy. The body that sets my soul on fire. We connect on a level I’ve never experienced with another person. My heart calls to her and she answers. Always knowing exactly what to say to talk me off the ledge, or what to do to show me how serious she is about us. I was a fool to doubt what we have. Nothing compares.
You make Neo feel shit, babe, and I don’t think it’s just hate that he feels.” “You’re being ridiculous. What other feeling could possibly go alongside hate?” “Love. After all, that line is thin.”
It feels like her stare is eating away at my skull, while infusing my brain with her poison.
I try to justify his actions in my head and it works for a while. That is, until he shows me his true colors again. Black is the one I see most. Which also happens to be my favorite color.
“You fucking feel sorry for me? Why is that, Scar? Because you’re out to ruin my goddamn life? You should be sorry, instead of feeling sorry. Parading around this house like a little tramp, forcing me to look at every flawless inch of your skin. Enticing me and sucking me in just because you can. I’m not supposed to want you, or crave you, like an addict in need of a fix. But I do, because you fucking made me!”
“I’ll tell you and you can get your life back.” This is it. It’s finally happening. Now that we’re here, I’m suddenly terrified. What is this secret? And what will happen to me once I know? “Under one condition.” A condition? That’s fine. I can handle a condition. I’ve survived this long. “Anything. I just need to know.” “You’re sure?” I nod rapidly. “Yes. Please just tell me what you need me to do.” He leans closer, his mouth ghosting over mine as he whispers, “I wanna fuck you, Scar.”
There’s no way. My mind can’t even comprehend the possibility of a life without Scar. Maddie doesn’t have my heart, Scar does. I need her like I need air.
“I want you to be mine, Scar. Let me protect you and your secrets. Only me. No one else.”
He kisses my lips softly then says, “I want to be better, and it starts with you.”
Crew: My childhood crush whose hugs feel like home. He’s the one who I know will always be there for me no matter what. Jagger: My first kiss, who makes me feel adored and wanted. He’s got a smile that lights up a room and eyes that melt my soul. Neo: My villain. The bruised and battered guy who hates everyone, but for some reason, decided he doesn’t hate me. I want to fix him. Show him what love can feel like. Then I want to keep him, just the way he is. Dark parts, scars, and all.
