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It’s so painfully obvious he wants to be manhandled, forced, dominated. It calls to a part of me I rarely let out. I like control.
Despite not looking at me and appearing completely oblivious to what is happening in my head, he hooks his finger around mine. He mutters something I don’t hear over the music in my ears but looks like ‘I’ve got you.’
The spicy, woody, almost smoky scent of his deodorant fills my head. I know I’ll get whispers of it for days, my mind playing tricks on me while I’m sleep deprived and in pain.
He grabs my wrist and I let him this time. I want his touch branded into my skin.
For once, I allow myself to break in front of someone. I allow myself to be comforted by another person. For the first time since my mother died, I have someone who cares enough to see that I need it.
“I don’t know how to touch without fucking.” His confession breaks my heart. Has no one just held him because he needed it? Offered a hug?
🥺🥺🥺
“No worries, big guy, we’re good. He’s all yours.” Brendon pats Preston’s bicep. “I’m not his type anyway. I’m too nice.” My face heats as I stare at him. That did not need to be said out loud.
🤣🤣 Brendon is so much fun
Nothing matters but this, his touch on my skin. His body around mine. The pleasure and peace only he brings me. My chest tightens with the emotions threatening to choke me.
Two weeks? What the fuck am I going to do for that long? I can’t sleep without him. He keeps me grounded. This guy is the light in my dark, fucked up world.
“Arewetogether?” It takes me a minute to translate that and make sense of it. “Together?” I pull back enough to see his face. “You’re mine and I don’t share.” He smiles like I’ve said the right thing and made him happy. “I don’t care what you call it or label it. You’re mine. Only mine.” Jeremy’s glowing face lifts up, pressing his lips against mine.
I love him. The thought should shock me but it doesn’t. It’s fucking true. I don’t know when it changed from I could love you to I love you but I can’t argue with myself.
Hanging up with Jeremy is one of the hardest things I’ve done, emotionally. I’m fucking lost without him. He’s the light in the dark maze of my life.
“I care about you, so sometimes when you say shit like you shower in the dark, it hurts me too. I don’t want you to live like that.”
Tears gather in my eyes so I snap them shut, refusing to let them fall. My body can’t handle running back. Running on the concrete is harder on the body than the treadmill, not to mention it’s not flat. God, I’m exhausted. “I can’t.” The words are pathetic. “Charles Preston Carmichael,” he snaps my name and I flinch. “You got yourself into this mess, you’ll deal with the consequences. Run back.”
I hate this guy
Opening my computer, I pull up an airline and buy a ticket to Grand Rapids, Michigan on the next available flight, then pass out with my arms wrapped around my laptop, my last thought being I love you.
“I’m sorry,” he says against my skin. “For everything. Please don’t leave me. I need you.”
“I love you,” his voice cracks and the trembling increases. “I need you. Please.” His eyes are squeezed together so tightly. “I love you too.” With my hands cupping the back of his head, I bring his face to mine to press our lips together.
First ily
“I’m sorry I’m a fucking mess.” I squeeze his hand. “I’m not. I love you the way you are.”
“No one has touched me since my mother died, unless it was to inflict pain,” he whispers against my lips. “I crave it but it hurts.” My hands immediately leave his skin, hovering over his body. The idea of causing him more pain breaks my heart. I can’t hurt him. “No, no.” He pulls my hands back against him. “I need it, please.” “I don’t want to hurt you.” My throat is clogged with emotion, making it hard to speak. “You don’t. You make it better.”
Preston wanna be Christian Grey so bad (not that this is a laughing matter)
“I’ve found a man that loves me despite the lies you made me believe and a family that accepts me and doesn’t use pain and fear to keep anyone in line.
“He calms me, soothes the ragged edges my life has left on my soul.”
“He shows me that I’m lovable, even in the dark moments when everything tells me otherwise.”
