Hidden Scars (Darby U Hockey Boys, #1)

by Andi Jaxon

“Tell me you hate me,” he growls in my ear. I couldn’t have heard that right. What? Unease washes over me, cutting through the need to fuck. “What?” I turn my head to look at him but he leans against my shoulder to keep me facing forward. “Say it. Tell me you hate me,” he bites out the words again, trembling against me as he slaps at my ass again. “I-I hate you.” The words are awkward on my tongue. I don’t hate him. Not anymore.

“Say it again.” He pushes forward, only making it part way in before the burning pain is too much and I clench around him. He pulls back, spits on my hole again, and thrusts in. “Oh fuck,” I groan in a pain-pleasure mixture and my dick is rock hard, trapped between my body and the carpet. Preston leans forward, shoving his hand under my chest and up to my throat. “Say. It. Again,” he seethes, setting a hard, deep pace. “I hate you,” I choke out past the grip he has on my throat.

I settle between his thighs and bite my way up his chest. The need to mark every inch of his skin is overwhelming. I suck hickies into his skin, leave bite marks and bruises from my fingers all over his body. Everyone will see them in the locker room but I don’t care. I want them to. I need them to know he’s taken. Owned.

He groans, rolling his hips and trying to ride my fingers. Sitting back on my legs, I wrap my hand around his dick, pull the skin back from his head, and stroke him while I finger him. “You’re fucking sloppy,” I growl, watching my fingers disappear into him only to slip out covered in my cum.

Jeremy’s skin heats with a flush, his muscles tightening as he gets close to the edge, but I don’t let him cross the line. No, he’s going to come with my dick buried deep in his ass. He’ll squeeze me, ride me, while he loses it. I crave it.

When I release his dick and pull my fingers from his body, he almost sobs. “What the fuck?” he whines, fucking desperate to come. I need to feel him. Lining myself up against his hole, I push inside in one thrust, my hips resting against his ass. He grabs his hair and pulls as his back arches off the carpet. “Fuuuuck!” His body sucks me in, greedy and hot and wet.

Leaning a hand on his chest, I reach for his free hand and shove it under my shirt. My eyes close at the touch of his palm against my stomach, tears pouring down my face as I rut into him without mercy. Nothing matters but this, his touch on my skin. His body around mine. The pleasure and peace only he brings me. My chest tightens with the emotions threatening to choke me. I don’t know what to do with them or how to deal with it. I’m overwhelmed by them and him. My anchor in the shit storm that is my life. Jeremy wraps his legs around me to keep me deep. “Use me,” he whispers. “I’ve got you. Take what you need.”

I lay down with my back against the wall, and when Jeremy lays down in front of me with his back to me, I pull on his arm until he rolls over to face me. I need him wrapped around me tonight. To be held. “I’m sorry,” I mumble into his naked chest. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.” He runs his hands through my hair, his thigh thrown over my hip and mine between his legs.

I suck in an unsteady breath and close my eyes. “My father cuts me and stitches it back up.” Jeremy’s hands stop moving. “What?” “Every scar on my torso is from him correcting my behavior.” There. I said it. My shameful secret. I’m such a fuck up that I’m covered in scars because I don’t learn.

“Does Coach know about this?” My chest tightens at the question. Doesn’t he get it? No one cares. No one but him. “You’re the only one who knows.” My words are quiet but he hears them. He doesn’t say anything for a while, just lets me hold him and draw shapes on his back with my finger as I navigate the turbulent waters in my head.

“Yeah, it’s lunch time, dude.” “Fuck!” I tear out of bed and dig through my dresser for clothes. I have to eat breakfast and lunch before the game. I have to or it fucks up everything and I’ll play like shit. I’ve normally been up for hours by now, gotten breakfast, showered, made sure my suit is ironed, and everything I need is packed in my gym bag. Today is a shit show and I’ve barely opened my eyes. I need my god damn routine! Fuck!

"Preston!" His name is out of my mouth, he’ll ignore it. I jump into the mess of bodies to get to him. "Let him go!" There's a break in the people around him and I slam into him, my body weight forcing him off the other player. I fling my gloves off and grab for the collar of Preston's jersey so he’s face to face with me. "Hey, hey, hey." I say quietly, trying to calm his fight response and bring down his heart rate. "I'm fine. You gotta chill, man. They're going to disqualify you."

I’m on the bench waiting for my turn, sitting next to Paul. “I have to admit, it’s nice to see him going after someone that’s not me.” He motions to Preston with a grin. I chuckle and shake my head at him. “I don’t know, I never seem to have that issue with him.” “I’ve seen you after a night of…extracurriculars, so I think you have it worse than everyone else.” My face flushes hot but I shrug like I’m not embarrassed and watch the game.

“Where do you want to meet up? We should change out of these.” I motion to our outfits. “I don’t know, pick a restaurant or something? She’s probably hungry.” He shakes his head and shoves his hands in his pockets. “You think she would rather go to some restaurant than come back to the dorms and just hang out with you?” Preston steps into my space, lowers his mouth to my ear, his hot breath tickling my skin. “I don’t think she wants to witness what I’m going to do to you when we get back to the dorm.”

“Cool, you guys want to come with us or meet us there? I know you normally go have beers with the team but this is a great opportunity for you to fuck with Preston.” And for me to mess with him too. Both smile and nod in unison. “Absolutely.”

Brendon slides in next to me, giving me a weird look, and Paul takes the front seat. Brendon drops his arm along the back of the seat like he always does in the car then smirks when Preston growls but doesn’t move.

The fingers in my hair disappear and Brendon yells, arching over the seat at a weird angle. Spinning around to see what is happening, Preston has Brendon’s fingers bent backwards, forcing his arm at an unnatural angle. “Touch him again and I’ll break your elbow,” Preston growls in Brendon’s face, jaw clenched tight. “Alright, alright! Jesus Christ!” Brendon yells.

I start to slide across the seat but Preston grabs me by the throat and pulls me back over the seat, forcing my body to arch and crashes his mouth to mine. My hands find his arms, holding on as my dick jumps from a semi to hard as fuck against the unforgiving fabric of my jeans. As Preston ravages my mouth, my hips rock, making the plug move. I moan into his kiss and he shoves his free hand inside the neck of my hoodie to scratch up my chest. I’m so fucking close to the edge, I’m leaking precum. Jesus fucking Christ. I’m going to come in my god damn jeans with no one touching my dick. “Hey! No sex in the car!” The driver’s angry shout jolts me away from Preston. He growls at the angry man in the front seat.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he rumbles in my ear, his chest against my back. “I’m wearing a plug.” Preston’s body freezes, his dick twitching against my ass. I grind my ass against him once and reach for the door, grinning at the predatory look in his dark gray eyes reflected in the glass.

I head in that direction, surprised when someone snags my belt loop. Before I can turn to see who it is, Preston’s voice fills my ear. “Bathroom, right now.” I shudder and head toward the back, telling Paul I’ll be right back on my way past him and Brendon. The bathroom is grimy and old with green stalls on one side and a wall of urinals on the other. There are a few guys taking a piss, but the stalls are open so I go inside of one and close the door. Anticipation has my hands shaking as I wait. My dick throbs in my jeans, aching for any kind of attention. I rub the heel of my hand down the ridge and bite my lip to hold in a groan. A few minutes later, Preston says my name and I open the stall. Striding toward me, he comes inside and locks the door, tense with sexual frustration. “Show me.” His voice is dripping with arousal and demand.

He's barely holding on to control. Life is spinning away from him, leaving him with nothing but me to keep him grounded. He's scared, frustrated, angry and my body takes the brunt force of it. I crave it now. He's ruined me for anyone else. If he walks away from me, I don’t know how I’ll survive. Soft touches and sweet kisses are a foreign concept to me now. I wouldn't know how to react to them and I don’t want them. I want him in his possessive, hard, demanding way.

I love this. This part of him that only I get. I want to hate him for making me crave it, because nothing else feels as good as this. As good as him.

He slams into me, not holding back or taking it easy on me. He needs the outlet as much as I do. Preston pulls on my hoodie to force me to stand. Arching my back, I reach back for him, needing the anchor. I cup the back of his head and hold his mouth to my skin as he digs his teeth into my flesh to leave new marks, his mouth sucking hard enough to leave dark hickies, and his nails scratch trails down my chest to mingle with the ones he’s already peppered my body with.

“What are you doing?” “come in my hand, give it to me.” Oh fuck. I work my dick faster, stroking and jerking myself as Preston loses his control in my ass. My head falls back on his shoulder as strings of cum shoot from me into his waiting palm. Preston’s free hand slams over my mouth as I moan long and loud into the echoing room, forgetting where we are for a second as my orgasm short circuits my brain. Preston’s cum filled hand soon replaces the other one, forcing my own cum into my mouth. The bitter, salty taste catches me off guard as it slides down my throat. Preston groans into my neck while he fills my ass with his own.

“That was fucking hot.” He groans, lifting his hand that’s still covered in my cum to his mouth. My face flushes as he watches me watch him lick my cum from his skin while his dick is still buried in my ass. When he sucks the last of my orgasm from his fingers, he takes a step back and slides out of me.

“Bend over again.” He puts a hand on my back. I lean my hands on the wall and feel him push the plug back into me. I whimper at the fullness of it and how fucking hot it is that he’s forcing me to keep his cum inside me. “Are you trying to kill me?” He pats my ass and I stand up, pulling my clothes back into and adjusting them. “Why would I do that? Then who would I torment?” Preston grabs my face and pulls me in for a quick, heated kiss while he still tastes like me, then steps back. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

I reach for a paper towel to get it wet and wipe my face but Preston slaps my hand away and does it himself. This is new and I can’t say I hate it. “I can do that.” I tell him, nodding to the paper towel. “I’m aware.” I stand still as he carefully wipes away any evidence of cum from my face, rinses the towel, then gets some soap. He washes my face thoroughly then dries it before washing his hands.

Jeremy takes his pool cue and bends over in front of me, swaying his ass just a little as he gets set. My eyes are glued to it, to the perfectly round muscles, imagining how his sloppy, plugged hole looks right now.

Jeremy looks over the top of his phone at me, raising his chin at me like he wants me to come over, but I’m not part of that group. He’s friends with them, and has obviously known them a long time. I don’t fit. “I think he wants you to meet his mom,” Lily whispers, leaning into me. I shake my head and lean against the wall, watching them talk to Jeremy’s family. For the first time, I wish I had friends like that. People who knew me and were more like family than anything else. People I had grown up with, lived close to, went to birthday parties and had sleepovers with. That life isn’t meant for me.

“Jeremy, I bought your plane ticket today, I’ll email you the confirmation.” The easy smile on his face turns tense, his eyes shooting to mine. My heart stops. Plane ticket? He’s leaving? When? For how long? Our nightly routine flashes through my head. How am I going to sleep without him? I can’t go back to sleeping alone. I can’t. I need him. Fuck. I try not to let my face show how panicked I am on the inside, but he can read me like a fucking book. The only person I’m fooling is myself and I fucking know it.

Jeremy picks up the cup and chugs back the rest of the soda while I watch with disgust. He steps closer to me but not close enough to get attention. “Don’t worry, you can taste it on my tongue later.” He winks then bends over the table again to take a shot. Bastard is toying with me.

“You know, if we were smart, we would push the damn beds together so we could sleep on a king-sized bed,” he grumbles as I bury my face in his neck and inhale him, relaxing for the first time tonight.

“What are you thinking about?” He’s quiet for a minute, his chest tightening under me, then quickly blurts out the words like he’s afraid to say them. “Arewetogether?” It takes me a minute to translate that and make sense of it. “Together?” I pull back enough to see his face. “You’re mine and I don’t share.” He smiles like I’ve said the right thing and made him happy. “I don’t care what you call it or label it. You’re mine. Only mine.” Jeremy’s glowing face lifts up, pressing his lips against mine. This kiss is different from the other ones we’ve shared, slower, deeper, it means something. This kiss is a promise, a symbol. It’s not to be rushed or hurried or angry, but explored, experienced, enjoyed.

I love him. The thought should shock me but it doesn’t. It’s fucking true. I don’t know when it changed from I could love you to I love you but I can’t argue with myself.

Reluctantly, I pull my lips from his and he chases my mouth, not ready to end the contact. “I have to go,” I say against his lips. Giving him quick kisses. “I know.” He sighs and steps back, pulling his fingers from inside my shirt and adjusting himself in his jeans. He picks up my bag and heads to the door. “I can carry that myself.” I wander out after him once I’ve made sure my hard-on is semi hidden. “I know.”

Paul nods at me as Brendon comes forward, him in a t-shirt and boxer briefs. Brendon reaches for a hug too but Preston stops him with a hand to his chest. “Put some fucking pants on.” Brendon looks up at Preston like he’s an idiot. “I’m not going to fuck him right here in the hallway, relax.” He leans into Preston’s hand until Preston moves, grumbling about an ass kicking later. I hug my best friend with a grin.

It’s not long before the doors slide open and we step inside. When the doors close, Preston drops my bag and pushes me against the wall, pinning my hands above my head and sucking on my neck. I grind against him with a moan as he bruises me, marks me for everyone to see. My torso is already covered in scratches and bite marks. I’ll have to be careful around my family so I don’t have to answer any awkward questions, but this one I can’t hide.

Carmichael: You trying to be my boyfriend or something? You’re becoming a stage five clinger. Albrooke: You are my boyfriend. You can’t leave me cause I’d find you.

I get a message from Paul and open it. Johnson: YOU SAID THE L WORD!!! I groan and drop my head back against the headrest. Fucking Brendon. Albrooke: I’m going to kick Brendon right in the ass when I get back. He’s got a big fucking mouth. Johnson: Why didn’t you tell me? I’m the trustworthy one of this group. Albrooke: I hate you both. I’m trying to sext with my boyfriend. Johnson: I fucking hope not! He’s with us! A picture comes through from Paul of Preston glaring at Brendon, who’s inhaling an ice cream cone.

“Hold on,” I hear him excuse himself and head outside of wherever he is. “Baby,” his voice is smooth like good liquor and just as enticing when he calls me that. That term of endearment does things to my insides that I wish it didn’t while I’m locked in the car with my family. I suck in a breath to release some of the tension. “I’m not planning to see him. He normally leaves for Christmas, so I don’t even think he’s going to be in town.” “Promise? If you’re lying to me, I’ll kick your ass.” He chuckles, “You wish you could.”

“There is so much more I could say if I wasn’t locked in a car with my entire family,” I grumble. “Yeah? Like what? You won’t fuck me? Won’t suck my dick?” Despite the amusement in his voice, his words are turning me on, which is very uncomfortable given my current circumstances. “Yeah, all of the above.” I manage to get out through gritted teeth “You and I both know I would take it and you would like it.” The dark tone of his voice has goosebumps breaking out over my skin. “I hate you.” He laughs again and this time, it’s villainous. “You might wish that were true but we both know it’s not.”

“You don’t get to decide how I live.” How the fuck did we get here? “The way I’ve coped has been working for years, I’m fine. I don’t need your fucking empathy!” I can’t look at him. I can’t see his face lined with frustration or anger or empathy right now. “Since this is going nowhere, I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I hope you can sleep. Call me if you need to.” His voice is softer than I expected. He’s obviously upset with me but trying to be the bigger person. “I lo-” “Don’t!” I bark the word at him and it echoes in the empty locker room, severe and full of fear. There’s no way what he was about to say is true. None. Zero. Not a fucking chance. I can feel how wide my eyes are, the hard set of my lips as I hold my breath and beg him not to say it. The fear coursing through my veins like ice at the idea of him saying that word is more than I can handle. His face falls and there’s nothing I can do about it. It breaks my fucking heart.

“Good night.” His murmur is as full of emotion as the lines on his face. He won’t look at me now as he chews on the inside of his lip. “Jeremy…” I try, but my voice cracks. He shakes his head and ends the call. Now it’s my turn for tears to burn my eyes and the back of my throat. God damn it! I ruin everything! I toss my phone across the room where it hits a locker with a crunch and I yell until I’m bent over and can’t breathe. What the fuck have you done?

Brendon and Paul keep looking back at me but I don’t know what they’re checking for. Doesn’t matter. Now they know I’m fake and a shitshow. A disappointment. No wonder my father abuses me.

baby :(

“You love him, don’t you?” Stacy asks, glancing over at my bouncing knee. That fucking lump is back in my throat, threatening to choke me. A tear falls from my eye and I brush it away. “Yeah, I do.” It hurts to say the words out loud when he won’t accept them. Why the fuck is he here? “Have you told him?” she asks, being nosey. “I tried but he wasn’t ready to hear it.”

“Stop!” I yell and throw my door open before she’s had a chance to fully stop. I’m out of the car and racing for him. Preston. My boyfriend. The man I love. I run as fast as I can toward him, colliding in the middle of the driveway and wrapping my arms around him. “Fuck!” He shoves his arms under my jacket, pressing his chest solidly against mine. He’s trembling, his face pressed into my neck, as his hands slide under my shirt. They’re fucking freezing.

“I’m sorry,” he says against my skin. “For everything. Please don’t leave me. I need you.” His grip on me is painfully tight but I don’t care, I need to feel him as badly as he needs to feel me. “I’m not going anywhere,” I say as I pull his face to mine, our foreheads resting together. A tear slips down his cheek and I brush it away with my thumb. “I love you,” his voice cracks and the trembling increases. “I need you. Please.” His eyes are squeezed together so tightly. “I love you too.” With my hands cupping the back of his head, I bring his face to mine to press our lips together. He shudders at the touch as his hands slide higher up my back. Fuck, I’ve missed him.