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You’re a freak for enjoying it. He didn’t want you to touch him but you did it anyway. Monster. No one will ever want you. No one will love you.
He was vulnerable last night and I don’t want them to know about it.
Part of me craves human contact, but in reality, I can’t stand for anyone to touch my body. Arms and hands are okay, and sometimes a leg brush, but my torso is absolutely off limits.
What would it feel like to be held by someone? To breathe them in, their hands running through my hair while we laid in bed, pressed together. I want it so bad it hurts.
Mind over matter. Push through the pain.
want to fight for him, but I don’t know what demons he has. No one should be that afraid of a kiss. Preston is an asshole ninety percent of the time but the more I’m around him, the more I see cracks in that armor. No one deserves to be afraid like that.
“If I disappear for more than five minutes, come looking for me.” The words are quiet as they tumble out of my mouth. Only Jeremy could have heard them, the rest of the guys in here are laughing and screwing around. His finger hooks around mine and my eyes close at the contact, my breathing hitching in my chest as my stomach cramps painfully. There’s no way I’m going to be able to eat. Is he going to make me sit next to him or just in his line of sight so I can’t escape him?
This is what I’ve always craved but couldn’t ever ask for. He’s going to break my heart.
Jeremy calling me, trying to stop me from leaving, almost broke me. He shouldn’t care about me. I’ve given him no reason to. But I need it.
There’s no use. He’ll make me regret it another way if I do. Logically, I know I’m bigger, faster, and stronger than him. But the little boy inside me is terrified of this man. The little boy who lives in my chest trembles at the thought of my father. Shutting down, making myself numb, is the only way I’ve found to protect him from the pain.
The guy is difficult, has anger issues, and is about as cuddly as a cactus, but I want him anyway. I want to be his safe space, to see a part of him that no one else sees.
His gaze flicks between the wound and my lips, like he wants to kiss me but is afraid I won’t let him. Reaching for the back of his neck, I pull his mouth to mine. I don’t care that it’s morning and both of our breaths could peel paint. I want this connection to him. To show him I don’t think less of him because of his father, that it changes nothing, that I want more of him.
This morning, we both need to know we’re okay. That I’ve got him and he’s got me.
“I don’t know how to touch without fucking.” His confession breaks my heart. Has no one just held him because he needed it? Offered a hug? I wrap my arms around his neck and bring him into me. “It’s okay, I do.”
Everyone will see them in the locker room but I don’t care. I want them to. I need them to know he’s taken. Owned.
I’m lost in him. Surrounded and consumed by this man and what he gives me.
I’m owned by this guy. I love him.
“Baby,”
“I’m sorry,” he says against my skin. “For everything. Please don’t leave me. I need you.”
“I love you,” his voice cracks and the trembling increases. “I need you. Please.” His eyes are squeezed together so tightly. “I love you too.”
“I like that you need me, fight with me, fuck the absolute shit out of me.” He smirks at the last part and I chuckle through the knot in my throat. “Because I get to see parts of you that no one else sees. You aren’t easy and I don’t know how to tell you this, but I like a challenge. So, take this one day at a time with me until you’re ready to plan for the future. I’ll wait for you.”
Every inch of my body craves to be against his. Not even sexually, just together.
It hurts my heart to see the pain he’s lived through. His body is tight with tension, probably afraid of my reaction. I place my hands on his hips and lean forward to kiss one of the still bright red scars. Preston flinches at my touch and pants when my lips brush his skin. He shudders but lets me kiss an older scar this time. Just a gentle brush, barely a touch. No sooner than my lips have left his skin, he grips my head and pulls me up to slam his mouth over mine and presses his bare chest to mine.
“No one has touched me since my mother died, unless it was to inflict pain,” he whispers against my lips. “I crave it but it hurts.” My hands immediately leave his skin, hovering over his body. The idea of causing him more pain breaks my heart. I can’t hurt him. “No, no.” He pulls my hands back against him. “I need it, please.” “I don’t want to hurt you.” My throat is clogged with emotion, making it hard to speak. “You don’t. You make it better.”
“Come here, baby.”
“I love you,”
“I fucking love you,”
“I’ve got you,”
“He shows me that I’m lovable, even in the dark moments when everything tells me otherwise.”
I went from talking to my sister sporadically, mostly after games, to now having two sisters and two brothers blowing up my phone multiple times a week, plus his mom and grandma.” I sigh. “It’s weird to be accepted into a family that actually cares with no hesitation. I was just part of the group one day.”
“But I’m all yours,” I say against his mouth. “The future Mister Albrooke.”
