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Because you’re a sadistic fuck who gets off on cutting up your kid for some perceived mistake that somehow brings shame to our name?
I hate my skin. The scars that mar my body. Proof of my fuck-ups and the twisted mind of my father. There’s never a time I can just pull my shirt off. I’m always aware of the way my shirts fit, preferring to tuck them in most of the time to keep my body covered.
You’re a freak for enjoying it. He didn’t want you to touch him but you did it anyway. Monster. No one will ever want you. No one will love you.
Part of me craves human contact, but in reality, I can’t stand for anyone to touch my body. Arms and hands are okay, and sometimes a leg brush, but my torso is absolutely off limits.
What would it feel like to be held by someone? To breathe them in, their hands running through my hair while we laid in bed, pressed together. I want it so bad it hurts.
A finger touches my pinkie. My eyes pop open and my head snaps toward Jeremy. My body is tense once again, but my hands have stopped moving. What the hell is he doing?
“If I disappear for more than five minutes, come looking for me.” The words are quiet as they tumble out of my mouth. Only Jeremy could have heard them, the rest of the guys in here are laughing and screwing around. His finger hooks around mine and my eyes close at the contact, my breathing hitching in my chest as my stomach cramps painfully. There’s no way I’m going to be able to eat. Is he going to make me sit next to him or just in his line of sight so I can’t escape him?
This is what I’ve always craved but couldn’t ever ask for. He’s going to break my heart.
Jeremy calling me, trying to stop me from leaving, almost broke me. He shouldn’t care about me. I’ve given him no reason to. But I need it.
I want to be his safe space, to see a part of him that no one else sees.
“I don’t know how to touch without fucking.” His confession breaks my heart. Has no one just held him because he needed it? Offered a hug? I wrap my arms around his neck and bring him into me. “It’s okay, I do.”
Two weeks? What the fuck am I going to do for that long? I can’t sleep without him. He keeps me grounded. This guy is the light in my dark, fucked up world. How far back into the shadows will I be shoved when he’s gone?
It hurts to be loved. So much more than I thought possible.
“I don’t know your story, Preston,” his grandma says, placing a hand on my shoulder. “But I can tell my grandson loves you deeply and you return that love. That’s all I need to know to welcome you into this family. You will always be welcome here. Every holiday, birthday, random weekend, and family gathering.”
The guys look around and without anyone saying a word, they form a line on either side of me, creating a wall. Brendon and Paul on one side, Willis and Carpenter on the other and Mathews in front of me. What are they doing? I don’t understand. “We got your back, buddy.” Brendon winks at me.
For the first time in my life, I have hope. I’m looking forward to the future.
“Jeremy, I love you more than I ever thought possible. My life is not complete without you, I am not complete without you.” He drops to one knee and my eyes bug out of my damn head. “Will you marry me?”
He’s holding a gray band that appears to be hammered so it’s not perfectly smooth. “These bands aren’t perfect. Like us, they’ve been struck and dented, but the flaws in the metal make them unique and strong.”
“I’m far from perfect. Life with me will not be easy, but I swear I will love you for the rest of my life.”
“Of course I will marry you and fight with you and love you and build a life with you. You’re never getting rid of me.”
“I’m taking your name when we get married,” Preston says with the utmost seriousness, sliding the ring onto my finger. “I don’t want to be a Carmichael anymore. Make me an Albrooke.”
“He shows me that I’m lovable, even in the dark moments when everything tells me otherwise.”
The suffering I will no doubt deal with will be worth it if it makes me a better man for him.
“You come after me when you need it and I’ll know what’s happening. I can read it on your face, in your body language, and even though I don’t know exactly what triggered you or what you need in that exact moment, I know you’ll take it. I’m never not willing to give you what you need.”
“I knew you were capable. There was something about you from the very beginning that called to me, that told me I needed you just as much as you would need me. That’s as true today as it was then.”
“I’m like an octopus to the face—hard to get rid of and really annoying.”
Above the couch is a family picture, the Albrookes, Browns, and Lily. It’s not the family I was born into, but the family that chose me. I’ll forever be grateful to them.
“I never thought I would be able to trust someone, to be happy and satisfied with my life.” Preston’s words are quiet in the dark and they make my heart soar. “Who knew a smart ass with pain kink was all it would take?”
