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How could I ever feel better again? How could I be normal once I watched my mama, daddy, and sister get lowered into the ground and knowing I was gonna be forever without them?
Sometimes his daddy made him feel like he had to be all these certain things, told him stuff about boys not crying and things like that. Jasper always tried real hard to be just like him.
My mama used to tell my daddy she thought Uncle Brian was sad, but Dad just said Uncle Brian didn’t like to talk about his feelings and that he was fine.
“Sorry about your mama,” Sammy Joe, Jasper’s cousin, said.
We’d started Jasper & Sutton’s Landscaping Designs three years ago when we’d been twenty-three,
I’d gotten my own place after high school. My parents hadn’t owned their house when they’d died, hadn’t had life insurance or anything like that, so things hadn’t been easy.
I wasn’t surprised he remembered. He was a good friend like that. Not everyone saw how much Jasper always thought of others, but I did.
I could feel myself pulling away from Jasper lately. Nothing had happened, but…we were twenty-six years old and inseparable. I looked at most people our age, and they were married, or had been dating forever like Sammy and Molly,
Layla and Paula were both on-again-off-again hookups for me, but neither was anything serious.
One minute she’d tell Dad there was no reason I had to rush to settle down, that I was young and had to find the right woman—which if I waited for her to like someone I dated, I’d never settle down. But then the next she’d be trying to introduce me to someone,
“Look at Sammy Joe. He’s a year younger. Him and Molly have been together for years now.”
LOL
“Has anyone ever told you you’re bossy?” “You, Sutton, my whole damn life.” I grinned.
Sometimes Sammy and Molly confused me. They were close as close could be, but something was off. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was, or hell, maybe I was batshit crazy and there was nothing at all.
“You guys are getting too old to live like a couple of bachelors,” Bob said,
Shut up
“Yes, ma’am. They found him not guilty, which is curious if you ask me. Probably paid them off. I’m sure he’s not above it. I even heard he laughed when the verdict came through, and that there’s a few people he admitted it to.”
“We need to do something—get him outta town. We don’t need that here. Has anyone told the sheriff?”
Mama said, “Terry was just tellin’ us about that Fox gentleman. The one from up North who thinks he’s better than everyone else. Turns out he was just tryin’ to keep a secret about who he is. You stay away from him, you hear me? Sammy needs to get his mail route changed. I think that awful man is on it. I’m gonna call him.”
While I was familiar with a man of few words, having grown up with Uncle Brian, it was different with Bob. Uncle Brian just seemed sad, not frustrated the way Bob sometimes was, like he expected the world to fall into place with whatever was easy for him.
This man, he meant something to Sammy. They were in love, and Molly knew and approved. It was clear as day, and I couldn’t wrap my brain around it, knew what it meant but couldn’t even form the thought in my head.
I loved Mama, but she liked to be in control, liked to know everything, and this had hit her out of left field. Sammy’s sexuality was something she hadn’t been let in on, and Molly, whom she thought of as part of our family, had lied to her and wasn’t with Sammy at all.
I’d never thought a lot about other people’s sexuality outside of angry things I’d heard Dad or others say, so I was taken aback by how strongly his words made my throat tighten and my stomach sick.
all the way home, he kept harping on about Sammy Joe and Emerson, saying things that made my skin crawl. Things you shouldn’t say about anyone, but especially not family.
Molly was taking her to Tennessee for an inpatient rehab program. I heard Mama on the phone with her, and Aunt Carrie told her Emerson was paying for it. According to Mama, he was trying to buy his way into the family.
She’s so sorry about the things she’s done that she won’t risk gettin’ him mad at her by tellin’ him this is wrong.”
Fucking Jasper. I was going to kill him. Why the hell couldn’t I get him outta my damn head? Why couldn’t I make this shit go away?
“It’s just that you’re in love with Jasper, which isn’t a little thing at all.”
I knew she’d figure it out
“Apparently, they arrested the person who killed that man’s boyfriend.” That man. Emerson was still that man. My gut burned uncomfortably.
“Good,” Dad cut in. “He should be seein’ someone. It’s not natural, the two of you and how close you are. That’s not the way friends are supposed to be, and if you ain’t careful, people are gonna think you’re like your cousin.”
“I ain’t like Sammy. I just fucked Lacey Prichard two nights ago!”
while Dad made his assumptions about her, she didn’t want a family at all. Lacey wasn’t any more ready to settle down than I was.
“Don’t go. Please don’t leave me, Sutt. I don’t even know who I am without you, and I wanna know. I mean, I don’t wanna know.
“It’s not gonna be your home if you leave. Don’t leave me, don’t leave me, don’t leave me, don’t leave me.”
“It’s good to see you happy again. You haven’t been for a while, but you are now. Whatever it is that has you smilin’ the way you do, hold on to it. Happiness ain’t always easy to catch.”
He knew. He knew about me and Jasp.
Because I’m a woman, I’m supposed to want to get married and pop out babies? I’m not my mama,” Lacey said.
“He’s a good man,” she said. “I never understood why he didn’t get married. The ladies used to go crazy for him when he was younger.” “Olivia…” Alfred said. “I’m not gossipin’! Just makin’ conversation,”
“Well, don’t you boys get any ideas like that. A man needs a good woman by his side.”
What year is this???
“How about some dessert?” Mama said. “Jasper, we have three pies in the fridge in the garage. Will you and Lacey go get them?”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with you anymore. You haven’t been right for a long time. You used to go out, have fun, go on dates, but now you’re always locked up in that house,
“What did you do to my son?” Dad snapped, taking a step closer to us. “First Sammy and that murderer, and now the two of you.”
“This is family business, and it should stay in the family. Don’t go flauntin’ your lifestyle choice all around town. I won’t have it. You do that, and you’re not welcome here anymore either, Jasper.”
That was how my heart felt right then, as if Bob had ripped it out of my chest and tossed it into that chipper, watching all the pieces scatter afterward. They’d always been second parents to me, but tonight they’d cast me aside.
his dad hadn’t spoken to him in months. Sherry did, but she still made it clear she didn’t approve. She just wasn’t willing to never speak to her son
It was the way I looked at Jasper. He’d been in love with her,
if you hadn’t felt the same, I would’ve been him. I would’ve been alone, watchin’ you fall in love, get married, have kids… Just spendin’ my life quietly lovin’ you.”
That’s my son, and you’re my sister. I don’t wanna choose, but if I have to, it’ll be him,” Carrie said,
I wasn’t always there for Sammy the way I should’ve been, and I’ll be damned if I won’t be now, but if you can’t say the same, then we don’t have anything else to talk about.”
“We ain’t supposed to care these two are takin’ it up the ass from each other?” Clyde spit.
No, actually, you’re not
“No, they ain’t cool. I’m tired of this shit. It’s everywhere you look nowadays. Men wearing fuckin’ makeup and prancin’ around in dresses and shit.”
Clyde sneered at Jasper. “Why don’t you get on outta here like your girlfriend said, unless that’s you. You ain’t a real man. You the girl in this relationship? I bet you are.”
