Bookmarked

by Bella Jay

“And I couldn’t believe after I told you my name was Gin, your ass gone say, ‘like the song, “Gin and Juice”?’”

“Ten points for Slytherin.”

My inner beast wanted to blow her back out so well, I’d need to buy her new glasses tomorrow. Or a temporary wheelchair.

I got into the bed, removed my glasses, and then took the book from her. She pouted. “I’m ready to get in my booty rubs.”

I had already picked up on the

reservations, and I knew her well enough to not need her to explain to me what we both knew.

in private, I would disrespectfully jump his bones.

‘what if this made me lose track of what I needed outside of this relationship and marriage’ or ‘what if I started regretting the divorce?’

“How do you have sex without strings attached when it’s someone you love?

“Though I love you, and selfishly want you and Juice to stay together, your mental and emotional health comes first.

I honestly feel like I’m in a book right now.”

“And I told you if I kiss him, I’m screwing him.”

It was why this divorce was the hardest thing I’d ever done in my life, and why the idea of having sex with him again scared the hell out of me.

Despite what I want and expect, your level of comfort comes first.”

Sis you need to keep this man

“That’s my good girl,

Jesus, this is your humble servant.

I was torturing myself, but the way I loved this woman made it worth it.

She had always needed a little more reassurance in our relationship, and once I understood her, I never minded it.

“Awww Juice box,” I purred, “Are you recreating scenes from my favorite book this trip?”

I hadn’t run into too many men who loved to read spicy books like us women.

“You the one who wanted it, why wouldn’t it be? You left me, remember? With a got damn letter!” The words flew out.

If two plus two equaled four, how come one day we were good and the next she’d left me? And now we were here. How?

Juice stuck his head in and immediately, a wave of joy rushed over me.

he came into the room, carrying a bowl of fruit, Swedish Fish snack packs, and a bottle of water.

Juice had been kissing me on the top of my head since we started dating. It was always cute, but there was a moment that it went from being cute to the most endearing thing ever.

“First of all, it’s book baes and book boyfriends. Please show my other men some respect.”

“Don’t let the muggles get you down.” I couldn’t help but smile at my favorite phrase from Harry Potter

I kept looking up at the back of his big ol’ head and wanting to push him off the edge of the trunk.

“No. It was your energy shift and you visibly shutting down.”

if you’re being vulnerable with me, the last thing I want to do is make you feel worse about your decision. That’s not what this trip is about.

I was well aware that me needing this divorce was breaking both of our hearts.

My mother told me straight up that it didn’t make any sense and that I was going to regret this.

But there are times, like you saying you’re going to miss moments like this with me, when it’s a harsh reminder of the reality of what’s to come.

He leaned down, “An urban fairytale,” he read the subtitle of the book Power by an author named Bella Jay.

“Yeah, it’s an Aladdin retelling but Black.” “Oh. Hood shit be happening?”

But there was something about a man reading to me that had me ready to risk it all (more than I already had).

Kids in the mix of me being completely unaware of how to create happiness for myself without depending on outside sources wouldn’t be the best move.

Something deep within me didn’t want to change it. No matter how much this shit devastated me.

Damn Juice is so selfless...this my MAN

“As VP of Petty AF Anonymous, I had to.”

“What does happiness look like for you?”

What I had thought it was for over a decade, was a facade because everything it was, was dependent on everyone else. And that was the problem.

books had been my escape from reality.

I wasn’t able to fully love myself independent of his love, attention, or validation.

But I kept trying to impress my mother. And though there were times I did, Athena’s achievements always seemed to overshadow mine.

thought they both saw me as less than.

He was an extrovert to his core. The partygoer, the life of the party, the socialite, and the person who could have a conversation with anyone. I was the introvert.

I had to adjust to the lack of privacy, the thirsty hoes, and to being right back in someone’s shadow.

Ahhh now this makes perfect sense.. Dang Books

I never quite figured out what I wanted to do for sure with my Business and Spanish degrees.

“it was being in love and being loved like the characters I had read in books.

I leaned into him, and his arms encircled me.