This Is How We Do It: A Pep Talk

by Kevin Hart

Energy flows where attention goes, and some of that attention is just emboldening the negative forces in the world. There are many reasons for this, but one is because people who can’t get positive attention often opt for negative attention, rather than getting no attention at all.

When I die, what will other people talk about? What will the conversation be like? What is the legacy I’m leaving for my children?

What path are you on now? Who chose that path? Where is it ultimately leading if you don’t change anything? Whose approval are you seeking? How far will you go off your path to get it? What decisions are you making out of fear? What decisions are you making out of joy? If you are marching to the beat of a drum, who or what is beating out the tempo? The only path that leads to the ultimate you—because beyond goals, that’s really what we’re talking about—is the path you choose yourself. Nobody is in charge of you but you.

You have to risk negativity, risk banishment, risk hatred to have a life worth living.

The gravity of this world will pull you toward a negative mindset 99 percent of the time. The constant static of negativity is deafening. But it’s completely fucking useless. It’s just noise. It nurtures self-doubt, judgment, and comparison.

People create so much friction and agitation in themselves by not accepting the reality of their situation. They want to be in denial about it, or be right about it, or wish it was different. Well, it ain’t. And you’re probably not right. And you’re definitely wasting your motherfucking time.

Sometimes we’re bitching and complaining about shit we can’t fucking change. Make the best of those moments. Complete those moments. And after completing them, move on rather than sitting there and letting it fuck up your day. That’s my suggestion. Be like water: allow, adapt, and keep moving.

Being consistent in new behaviors creates proof positive that you’re an independent, powerful, creative, strong, functional person. Without consistency, there’s also no improvement and learning. There’s nothing to pivot from and get leverage to the next level. There’s no opportunity to reflect on prior executions. There’s no refinement.

when you start feeling down, it’s because you know that you’re not doing what you’re supposed to do and applying yourself 100 percent in order to give yourself the best possible opportunity to be great.

Shortcuts are for suckers. That’s my motto: “Shortcuts are for suckers.” Let me take the hard way. So many more benefits from the hard way. So many more benefits and education from the hard way. I want what’s earned, not given. Point blank.

When you bring consistency to something like being reliable, it creates a profound sense of confidence in yourself. You come to know—in your bones—that what you think and what you say, you can create and you can do. I can’t think of anything more powerful than that. This is where you truly start to feel like you can do anything you set your mind to.

You have to have the courage and self-respect to be able to say no.

the only person who can change anything about your life is you. But if you can’t rely on yourself, what hope do you have?

Everything you do is a demonstration of how to live life. Everything leaves an imprint. If you don’t show up for them, they don’t feel like they matter. And that’s the ultimate message any kid is constantly trying to get from their caregivers: “I matter.” How well you deliver that message has more lifelong impact than anyone wants to admit.

With determination, you can look back and say, “Oh shit, you know what? I did it my way. And in doing it my way, I achieved things I never dreamed or imagined that I would be able to do. I also failed and didn’t do some things, but I went back and redid them because I never gave up.”

Transformation starts there—with ownership. You can’t change shit if you don’t own it first.

The trouble is so many people run around avoiding things their entire lives. It’s just too uncomfortable for them to look in the mirror at the roughest and darkest parts of themselves. Or they’re terrified of spending five seconds looking bad and saying, “You know what, I fucked up. This is on me. I didn’t do this or think about that, and so this happened. But here’s what I’m going to do to help, and here’s what I’m going to do next time.”

Feeling good, and helping those around you feel good, is one of the quickest ways to bring happiness and harmony to your life.

But no matter what they say, remember that it’s not about you. The negativity and nastiness coming out of people’s mouths tells you more about them than you. But, you? You can’t be fazed. You can’t be riled. Your cool can’t be fucked with. Be the teddy bear.

When people stop moving in life, they stop getting these internal hits of feel-good chemicals. They have to start relying on other ways to artificially stimulate them, like video games, alcohol, smoking weed, social media, or watching porn. We get addicted to these things in a desperate attempt to compensate for the fact that we’re not really living our lives.

Dissatisfaction is always asking yourself, “Can I do more?” And nine times out of ten, the answer to that question is always going to be yes. But it’s hard to do more.

I don’t care. I’m nonreactive. You got nothin’—unless I give you something, and that’s not just me. Nobody has anything on you unless you give it to them. Your emotions, your response, your anger—those are all things controlled by you. When you’re nonreactive, people are wasting their time when they try to fuck with you.

Be spongy, people: you don’t know everything. The smartest person in the room never says they’re the smartest person in the room. The smartest person in the room lets everybody talk, and they listen so they can get even smarter. The smartest person in the room is the spongiest. Facts.

I realize that this is a short section. But I’m also short. So I hope all short people related to this section.

Your ability to succeed and accomplish your goals is directly dependent on your ability to deal with adversity and time.

Are you willing to sacrifice a high level of fun and comfort in order to be great? I am. I have been. And I still will be. Because I’m not great yet. Nor am I comfortable. I won’t allow myself to feel comfortable. Because when you feel comfortable, you relax. When you relax, you get lazy. When you get lazy, life passes you by.

I refuse to allow mediocrity. I refuse to put up with anything less than my best. So anything that I have to withstand in pursuit of my best isn’t even a task. It’s the obvious choice. When the alternative is dying with the regret of knowing I wasted my life and my potential . . . slap some motherfucking Vaseline on my face and get me back in, Coach!

So sometimes you can be negative simply because you don’t know. Instead, embrace and understand. And be patient, because you never know what will be valuable in your future.

Other people’s opinions of you—positive or negative—don’t mean shit.