This Is How We Do It: A Pep Talk

by Kevin Hart

Mindset. Is. Everything. It all starts here. How you interpret other people and your environment, and how you feel about yourself and your direction in life, shapes everything that you do. It’s all a function of your mindset.

feel expansive, with an enduring sense of possibility. You can decide to see the worst intentions in somebody, or decide to have empathy and understanding for what led them to act that way.

You can also decide to apply yourself—every day—or stay in neutral and let life pass you by.

Consistency is important not just because it takes time to create change but because it gives your mind an opportunity to see new results—to see what you’re capable of—and change its belief systems around what’s possible for you.

When you actually follow through with that, and you haven’t eaten it for even a week, you look up and think, Damn. I said I was going to do this, and I did it. Wow. I’m capable of changing myself. What else can I do?

It’s massive to prove to yourself that you have complete control over you and that nobody is capable of managing you better than you can manage yourself. In fact, if you think anyone else can manage you besides yourself, you’re not operating in reality.

So, when you start feeling down, it’s because you know that you’re not doing what you’re supposed to do and applying yourself 100 percent in order to give yourself the best possible opportunity to be great.

To be reliable means having an impeccable relationship with your time and obligations.

People tend to gravitate toward reliable people because they can trust them, while they subtly avoid the unreliable people. All the unreliable people have left around them is other unreliable people, because hanging around each other makes them feel comfortable in excusing and normalizing their shitty habits and broken promises.

On the road to victory, and all your wins, there’s going to be one upset after another. It’s going to be hard. And you’ll never make it if you don’t accept that and bring a whole lot of perseverance and persistence.

The respect and admiration that you have for your grind, for your will, your effort—your blood, sweat, and tears—is what creates determination. Because it all ultimately comes down to you living your life for you. The endgame is being able to look in the mirror and say, “I’m proud of myself.” If you value yourself enough

So if you don’t have it today, that doesn’t mean that you can’t have it tomorrow. Be determined to get determination. Let’s keep it going.

Transformation starts there—with ownership. You can’t change shit if you don’t own it first.

I know that game well. But now, when conflicts arise or shit goes sideways, instead of attacking someone by saying, “You did this to me!” I do my best to cowboy up and stop and think, Hold on a minute . . . How did my behavior help create this situation? What information, needs, or boundaries did I not communicate that caused this misunderstanding? What could I have done differently that would have created a better outcome?

Until you stop wishing things were different, accept the way they are, and take up the sole responsibility of doing something about it, nothing will change.

You take the fucking chance. You take responsibility. Your flaws are your flaws. Addressing them means that you’re okay with them. I got caught cheating. I cowboyed the fuck up. I did. I’m wrong. I apologized. I gotta do better. That’s what cowboying up is the fuck about. Lying in a bed of mess you made for yourself and being okay with that because you know that you are capable of change and capable of doing better.

That’s the good that comes out of the bad when you cowboy up.

When you overreact, whether it’s to the news, a friend, a partner, or worst of all, your own child, you flip the switch on an unintentional and unconscious course of action, emotion, or thinking. You lose your cool, which means losing the power that comes from being able to perceive accurately, think clearly, and respond intentionally. And often, you violate the boundaries and dignity of the person you are reacting to.

People spew negativity for a reaction. That’s the only reason behind it. They’re looking for a reaction. If you give that, then you feed into it. When you’re nonreactive to it, then the point of attack has no return. Be unflappable.

When you’re nonreactive, people are wasting their time when they try to fuck with you.

That’s the best response to anything. Practice it: “You’re not going to hurt my feelings.” Nonreactive. These are all fucking key tools.

But one of the quickest ways to get closer to learning what you authentically want is through the contrast of experiencing what you don’t want and what doesn’t work.