This Is How We Do It: A Pep Talk

by Kevin Hart

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. —Maya Angelou

These are challenging times. Only the strong survive. And by the strong, I mean people with a strong enough mindset to make it through this particular place that we’re in as a society.

Energy flows where attention goes, and some of that attention is just emboldening the negative forces in the world.

what are we focusing on? where is our gaze?

For me, there’s no such thing as relaxation. Simply because there is no such thing as being comfortable.

Here are some of the questions I ask myself: What am I building? What is the endgame? And when I get to the endgame, is it really the end? When I die, what will other people talk about? What will the conversation be like? What is the legacy I’m leaving for my children?

I want you to look in the mirror right now and say, “I’m proud of myself.” Really feel a deep respect and admiration for your grind, your will, your effort, your blood, sweat, and tears. Because all those things are you. And this is where we are starting: loving who you are today.

Now ask yourself some hard questions: What path are you on now? Who chose that path? Where is it ultimately leading if you don’t change anything? Whose approval are you seeking? How far will you go off your path to get it? What decisions are you making out of fear? What decisions are you making out of joy? If you are marching to the beat of a drum, who or what is beating out the tempo? The only path that leads to the ultimate you—because beyond goals, that’s really what we’re talking about—is the path you choose yourself. Nobody is in charge of you but you.

Start now by challenging any negative thoughts you have about yourself.

I want to watch my children benefit from all this work, too, for as long as I can. I choose to take care of myself so I can be an example to them,

In the age of the internet, negativity surrounds us constantly. Even if it’s not about you, it’s bathing your brain in stress.

Remember these three words: Mindset. Is. Everything. It all starts here. How you interpret other people and your environment, and how you feel about yourself and your direction in life, shapes everything that you do. It’s all a function of your mindset.

You can decide to feel miserable and feel limited, or you can decide to feel optimistic and feel expansive, with an enduring sense of possibility.

Positive mindset is so key because when you have it, it makes you completely free. It means you have somehow figured out a way to think about the bright side, no matter what. You don’t let yourself get stuck walking in circles, dwelling on the negative. You keep your head up and keep moving forward.

With a positive mindset, you can’t be stopped. You can’t be knocked down, at least for long. How can you be held back when every obstacle becomes an opportunity? When every trial and tribulation life throws at you becomes a gift to make you grow and become stronger?

Your arrow is going to land where you’ve set your sights. If you lower them by indulging in fear and negativity, then that’s where you’ll end up. If you raise them, stay positive, and keep your aim high, you’ll end up at that level. You just need to have the confidence and believe in yourself enough to raise your gaze up that high.

The gravity of this world will pull you toward a negative mindset 99 percent of the time. The constant static of negativity is deafening.

It’s just noise. It nurtures self-doubt, judgment...

But positivity is creative. It’s generative. It’s beautiful. It’s inspiring. Positivity uplifts and encourages. Positivity creates options and possibility. Positivity is movement. Posi...

Sometimes you need to move through harder feelings and tougher times. But throughout that, positivity means not collapsing and giving in to feeling resigned and defeated. Sometimes life is hard. But you know you can handle it and that every storm will pass.

Kids, family, friends, strangers, whoever. They’ll see it and they’ll understand it, and they’ll make life choices off your example. They’re gonna know what to do and what not to do based off the things you did.

The dopest thing in the world is getting up after you’ve been knocked down, because so many people stay down.

What-is-ness is accepting everything for what it is. When shit inevitably happens: it is what it is. You are at peace with the nature of this new reality.

How are you going to learn if you can’t let yourself be wrong?

Rather than sitting there and letting it fuck with my head, distract me, and throw me off track, I’m deciding to just let it be. I adjust to the new reality. I don’t try to bend it to be something it’s not or make it fit my preferences and old ideas of the ways I want things to be.

Like the Body, the Mind is a set of muscles trained to operate in a certain way. If you want to make it stronger or start changing the way it works, you have to put in the repetitions and practice week after week to get results.

Without consistency, there’s also no improvement and learning. There’s nothing to pivot from and get leverage to the next level. There’s no opportunity to reflect on prior executions. There’s no refinement.

Consistency defends against the frequent funks that come from losing momentum.

Consistency inspires consistency.

I don’t care how long it takes, you will see the benefit from your consistency. You will see the benefit from putting the work into your craft, into your goal, into your dream. It will pay off. I don’t care how long it takes. It’ll happen.

To be reliable means having an impeccable relationship with your time and obligations. When you tell someone you’ll do something or you’ll be somewhere, you follow through and back it up with action. Making empty promises and casually throwing out a yes to appease people breeds weakness and flakiness.

When you bring consistency to something like being reliable, it creates a profound sense of confidence in yourself.

You have to have the courage and self-respect to be able to say no.

Being on time is the key to success not just in any job but in everything. The world operates on time. Ask yourself, Can people rely on you or are you always in question?

People tend to gravitate toward reliable people because they can trust them, while they subtly avoid the unreliable people. All the unreliable people have left around them is other unreliable people, because hanging around each other makes them feel comfortable in excusing and normalizing their shitty habits and broken promises.

Determination fuels everything. It’s going to keep you doing the hard work and choosing the path to success. It’s going to keep you consistent when you don’t feel like being consistent.

To be determined is to be committed to your best self, your dreams, and the expression of life, enough that you will not throw in the towel. You will not give up.

You will not prevail without determination.

Determination is about the appreciation of your individual journey.

We can all get this kind of resolve. So if you don’t have it today, that doesn’t mean that you can’t have it tomorrow. Be determined to get determination. Let’s keep it going.

Transformation starts there—with ownership. You can’t change shit if you don’t own it first.

The trouble is so many people run around avoiding things their entire lives. It’s just too uncomfortable for them to look in the mirror at the roughest and darkest parts of themselves.

now, when conflicts arise or shit goes sideways, instead of attacking someone by saying, “You did this to me!” I do my best to cowboy up and stop and think, Hold on a minute . . . How did my behavior help create this situation? What information, needs, or boundaries did I not communicate that caused this misunderstanding?

Until you stop wishing things were different, accept the way they are, and take up the sole responsibility of doing something about it, nothing will change. Leaders take ownership. Champions take ownership. People are inspired to follow other people who take ownership. It earns respect. Ownership shows strength and humanity.

“teddy bearing” just means being likable, personable, and pleasant.

Look, life is all about relationships. These don’t just help you on your path to success—they’re what bring you fulfillment in all the moments along the way.

Teddy bearing is the outward social expression of your positive mindset. It does something to your heart, and it does something to the hearts of other people.

“Give yourself permission to be you, and let go of the anxiety that comes from the impossible pursuit of being liked by everyone.

I’m saying be likable. That’s internal. It’s something unconditional, radiating outward from within.

The negativity and nastiness coming out of people’s mouths tells you more about them than you.

Teddy bearing is a way of conducting yourself. It’s an expression of un-shake-ability and un-messable-with-ness that comes from a solid core of valuing yourself and others.