You Never Forget Your First: And He Just Might Be the Death of Me

by Millie Perez

“Now we go home and pretend that there is a life worth living after mom. And hopefully sometime real soon, we can actually start to believe it.”

The confession that kept me up most of the night. Amelia Nuñez has a crush on me. Had. First crush means she was just a kid, but what about now? To think that the woman who I’ve had embedded in my heart for the better part of a decade, at one time had feelings for me.

“If you think I’m going to let another opportunity to date you pass me by, you’ve clearly underestimated me. I’ve waited ten years, Amelia. Ten years. And that’s on me.

Evan kisses me like a man who has waited a decade to do so. Because he has.

Guilt consumes me as I think about a future with Amelia, when she has no clue about the secrets I keep.

WAIT NOO

“But when I’m ready, it’s you. If you’re willing to wait a while until I’m ready, you’re the person I want to be with, have dreamt of—”

You know, the one where I constantly feel like I’m not Latina enough, because I was born in the states instead of the island. While also not being gringa enough because one look at me, and you can see the lineage of my ancestors in my eyes, hair and hips.

The messages were a bit weird and cryptic now that I think about it.” She frowns.

Now that you think about it????

He releases me, but grabs my hand. It sizzles under his touch.

Girl what the hell

“But there was never a doubt that it would be me and you. We were always destined to belong together, Amelia. I may have been your first crush, but you were always my forever.”

realized most of my imposter syndrome stemmed from trying to fit myself into a box for others to understand me.