Saint

by Adrienne Young

Because if it had anything to do with the feeling that flooded my veins when his arms wrapped around me, when his cheek touched mine and his hands gripped me tight, I was almost sure I didn’t want to know.

admit it, you get it

I was more precious to her than a single haul of gems, but not because she loved me. I was irreplaceable to Holland because of what I could give her.

mummy issues

These two spoke a language that only they knew, reading each other’s minds without so much as sharing a glance.

why this me and my bestie though

“Like an agreement. That’s why the bastard’s ship hasn’t sunk. There’s a reason people are afraid of him. They’re scared they’ll cross those demons and draw their eye.”

ngl I believe it

“People really believe that?”

yes I fucking do

After what I’d seen last night, I couldn’t be completely sure that it wasn’t true.

now she gets it

It was the scent of deep water, something I could never describe with words but that I would know anywhere.

“A helmsman who’s in it for the copper doesn’t spend years making a map like that,” I said. “That’s something else.” Saint looked uncomfortable now.

I know she knows

“You think it’s foolish.”

It wasn’t foolish. It was terrifying.

I could feel that endless well within me, the capacity I had to fall in love with this trader and his dreams. But I’d spent too many years giving myself up for the glimmering ambitions of others. I couldn’t do that anymore.

HE'S WORTH IT HONEY

“I need a dredger if I’m going to run a crew.” He let the words hang in the air between us. “And from what I saw last night, you can handle yourself on a ship.” I blinked. “Are you giving me a formal offer?”

flirting

So, why couldn’t I say no to him? Why couldn’t I just say I didn’t want it?

BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU GODAMMIT

He was touching me. On purpose. With a curious kind of intent. As if he hadn’t been sure what would happen if he did.

touch ME

In the end, it would have been better to wake and find her gone than to imagine that she’d stay. But nothing was worse than admitting I wanted her to.

CRYING

Ah, that’s not a future for me, son. It’s for you.

That one day, when Narrows-born traders were sailing with crests, there wouldn’t just be a new horizon. There would be a new world.

Clove laughed, along with a couple of dockworkers in the next slip who were watching Nash struggle to stand up straight.

wimp

There was a look on her face that almost resembled guilt. Almost. But she had nothing to be sorry for.

sweetheart…

I looked at her one more time, tracing the shape of her face, her jaw, the curve of her throat. I etched it into my mind to keep for no other reason than I felt like I had to. And then I turned and walked away.

“Well, look at that,” Clove murmured. But when I looked at him, he wasn’t watching Isolde anymore. He was watching me.

everyone knows you're a simp

“This day is just getting better and better.” Clove slid over in the booth, making room for her beside him.

“Since when do you need the sun to go down to drink rye?” I asked. Clove got to his feet. “True.”

ok but why do I like clove too now

But I wasn’t foolish enough to lie to myself about the fact that I didn’t want her to go.

Don’t. I mouthed the word. But I could see the moment I said it that it was already too late.

I'm clove

Now I was the one smiling, my heart still racing in my chest in a way that made the blood rush through my veins. I couldn’t pretend I didn’t like it as much as Clove did.

a sadist, sexy

“It started the first time those bastards dropped anchor in our waters.” He lifted his glass to mine, clinking the rims. “And we, my friend, are going to finish it.”

FUCK YEAH

That single map held a vision for the Narrows that was real. Heart-achingly real.

But she’d never met her match. Not like she would when the dream Saint had encased in the ink of that map came to life. And it would. I’d see to that myself.

fucking POWER COUPLE

“Just . . . don’t,” he said. “Don’t what?” “Leave.”

I didn’t know what to make of this version of Saint. The one who was asking me not to go instead of dancing around it like he wasn’t sure what he wanted. The one who didn’t seem to care if he was showing me every crack in his armor.

It was so dark that I almost couldn’t tell how close he was until his lips touched mine, and the flood of waiting for it filled every inch of me with a buzzing heat. He opened his mouth, his breath featherlight on my skin, and his hand slid to the back of my neck, leaving a searing burn on my cheek. He kissed me carefully, like he was being sure to remember the way it felt. And when I deepened the kiss, he followed, pressing his body against mine. Something shifted into place inside of me. Some off-kilter piece of my soul that had fractured that day in Bastian. I didn’t know what we were doing. Where it could possibly lead. But this—he and I—we fit, somehow.

FINALLYYYYYYYYY! I'm crying…

The way Saint had looked at me. The way he’d kissed me. Like he was sure about it.

I closed my eyes before I drew the air into my lungs, knowing what scent I’d find there. Deep ocean. Saint.

Saint’s hand dragging through my hair. The brush of his lips across mine. Those words he’d spoken—what is this?

dying for a love like this

Zola.

pussy

That softness that had been there between us that morning was gone now, making me feel like there was a rope tightening around my chest.

I could see his mind turning with it, flitting from one thought and possibility to the next.

“Map it, and when I’m done with my contract on the Luna, I’ll dredge it for you. Every single reef.”

“You’ll come back?” he asked. “If you still want me.”

“I’ve wanted you since the minute I saw you. That’s the problem, Isolde.”

I wanted him. But it was more than that. “I want to build something that’s not theirs.”

He laid me down on the bare cot and I pulled him closer, tugging the shirt over his head so that I could press my hands flat against his ribs, his chest. I said a kind of goodbye that didn’t need words or promises or plans.

ravish me please

A year was nothing if it let me come back to this.

“My name is Saint,” I said, taking the leather chair on the other side of the desk. I set one foot on the opposite knee, leaning back into it. The soles of my boots were still covered in mud, a detail that Oliver hadn’t missed.

“And if you or anyone else touches that gem sage you had couriered from Bastian, I’ll cut the tongue from your mouth and feed it to the seabirds. Then I’ll tie you to the anchor and drag you over the nearest reef until the flesh is peeled back from your bones enough that no one in the Narrows will recognize you. You’ll live the rest of your days in Waterside, begging for the rotten fish the ships can’t sell on the docks.”

She was beginning to feel like a permanent fixture in my surroundings. A part of the landscape that made up my life. And I couldn’t help feeling like it was rarer than that gemstone in my pocket.

I followed the line of freckles across her cheek, down to her jaw.

simp

This time when I held her, it felt different. Not like before, when I was trying to keep her from slipping away. Now, she was the shore. A place to come back to. And I didn’t know if it was the sea that had given her to me or if she was a fate of my own making. There was a part of me that didn’t care. “I wanted you too. The minute I saw you.” She whispered my own words against my lips—words I’d once thought could be the end of me. Now, I was certain they were.

“This kid got a name?” “Yeah,” he answered, eyes still fixed on the reflection of light in the glass of rye. He swallowed hard before they lifted to meet mine. “His name is West.”

OH FUCK-