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Jaime didn’t judge, she embraced, and that was only one of the best things about her.
all she said was, “It’s really good to see you, Noah,” and I was sixteen all over again. Sixteen and awkward as fuck and in absolute awe of this girl.
Shay had always had one of those faces meant for smiling. Not every face was meant for smiling but Shay’s was one of them. The corners of her lips were always tipped up as if she was waiting for a reason to smile.
I didn’t appreciate her draining me of all the resentment and contempt I’d built up over the years with little more than a smile from her.
have killed any of you to be rude or offensive? You have no problem doing that during yoga. You ate that woman’s hat the other day, Lacey, but now you’re playing nice? That’s some very convenient bullshit.” The goats bleated their outrage back at me.
I was defenseless against a few kind words and a sympathetic smile. She’d always had an ability to make people feel special. More than special—chosen.
Shit happened and it made people different in the process.
couldn’t see how someone could be both bored and confrontational inside a handful of words. It was art.
“Let’s not be ridiculous,” Wheatie said. “Friendly isn’t one of his settings.”
Your choices are take a chance or carry bullshit. I’d take the chance.”
And that please had rumbled over his lips in the very best way, like an apology begged a moment before sinning.
when was the last time a kiss had been anything more than an obligation, a box ticked off in the basic affection column?
I’d been the furthest thing from attractive as a teenager, when it had seemed more important than anything else. And I’d lived a long time with that knowledge. It didn’t go away overnight.
“Shay, with love, where the fuck are we right now?”
Just an avocado of a relationship. You know how it is. Perfect one day, complete trash the next.
He hated all my weird and wonderful things, and for a time he’d convinced me I didn’t want them either.
Hope was such a sticky thing. And it was sneaky too. Always showing up in the moments it was least welcome.
my sandals snapped against the stone floors, fracturing the air-conditioned stillness.
In the name of making myself smaller and smaller and smaller until I could barely find the true threads of myself, the ones I’d abandoned in my quest to be perfect.
was finished with being starved and salty.
“Bodies are extremely temporary and they’re the least interesting things about us. They carry us around while we’re on this earth and there’s nothing more I can ask
from my body than that. I certainly wouldn’t spend any time worrying about the size or shape of anyone else’s body. Not when I could care about their heart and their mind instead.”
This was a fresh, new form of wrecked. A version I didn’t mind much at all. A
version that felt very much alive and not dried-up or at all hollowed out.
I couldn’t believe I’d ignored the subtle glory of holding a satisfied woman.
Family cared even when it was really inconvenient.
swallowed up several years of my life with boiled-over resentment.
Though I didn’t mind rescuing Shay. It wasn’t a requirement when it came to her. It was a choice.
I wanted to write my name inside her.
snuggled her like she was the key to preventing my soul from slipping away.
“Please tell me you haven’t banned chocolate chips on account of them not occurring in nature or the disquieting uniformity of their shape.”
my safe, private space where I didn’t have to pretend everything was all right and
I could be as miserable or drunk or morose as I wanted.
Was it still a gasp if it came from the lusty region of France or was it just a sparkling moan?
The chickens were bound to stare. I didn’t have the freedom to watch the clouds and knit myself back together in peace.
This was the great paradox of my mother. If Shay had been a member of the congregation, she would’ve embraced every one of her rough edges and abrupt endings. She would’ve admired Shay’s willingness to try again—and again and again. And she’d marvel in the woman my wife had become. She’d celebrate Shay.
the only portion of Shay’s life not spent in a cashmere bubble was the time spent in this town.
fell into the mixed bag of friends, distant relatives, and people
she met along the way and swept into her de facto flock.
If we couldn’t be the ones to love her through the worst, most impossible moments, what was the point of family?
Everyone wanted to know if I wanted kids of my own. As if contributing sperm was superior and I should prefer that over a simple blood relation to Gennie.
He wants to wait until it’s a little colder. Something about avoiding mildew from the ground being too warm.”
Being as close as we are to the cove, and with the way sea levels are rising and hundred-year storms are occurring much more frequently, there are many more variables to consider.”
“Just because I can plow through by myself doesn’t mean I want to,” I said. “Fuck, Shay. Let me need you, okay?”
because I’m scary-good at acting like everything is fine and I’m not dead inside.” I glanced over my shoulder and shot her a sharp glare. “I’ve been inside you. I promise, you’re not dead.”
My body wanted to rut, wanted to burn itself into her. Wanted to write promises inside her.
was the only thing I could do to stop myself from confessing that I loved her in a marrow-deep way that had accompanied me around as an endless ache for as long as I could remember,
not allow the utter chaos and disrespect of that man to infiltrate your nice, stable situation.
He’s not going to apologize because he isn’t sorry. I don’t think he has the capacity to recognize the harm he did.”
paddling hard under the surface to keep from sinking in yet another completely new environment,
