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My niece and the love of my stupid teenage heart walked into my house hand in hand and I felt a hard knot of pressure form deep in the center of my chest.
I worshipped her from the minute she slid in beside me, smelling like heaven and looking at me with those cat eyes.
“What did I tell you about staying where I could see you?” “But Shay almost missed us,” she said. “And you told me to look for her with both eyeballs.”
“Just go with me on this”—his words were urgent on my cheek—“and I’ll do anything you ask of me. Anything at all. You name it, it’s yours.”
If I could have five more minutes, I’d ask for nothing else in this life. Five more minutes of Shay’s body tucked close to mine, her hand flat on the small of my back. Five more minutes of knowing the feel of her skin against my lips. Five more minutes of pretending she was mine.
And that was how I bought myself a few more minutes in line at the frozen lemonade truck with Gennie’s head on my shoulder and my arm around Shay.
I nodded, still holding Shay like my existence depended upon it. The truth was, it did.
She stepped up to the truck to place her order and since I was in no way prepared to stop touching her, I stepped up too.
“There is no way I’m letting you—no. Put your money away.”
Shay glanced back at me, held out her free hand. I’d never moved so fast in my life.
“I’m parked just down there. I don’t need a ride.” “Get in the truck.”
I hadn’t stopped watching for Shay since the market opened at eight this morning.
She reached into her bag and retrieved her wallet. “What do I owe you?” “What did I tell you about that? Not when you’re with me.” I handed over the loaves.
Shy. This man was shy. While also being enormously bossy.
“It’s okay. I don’t need anything.” “Maybe there’s nothing you need,” I said, “but there’s something you want.” His ears turned a lovely shade of tomato.
“Are you going to sit on the bench with me?” Noah asked. “I don’t know,” I teased. “I wouldn’t want to ruin the alone-and-silent thing.” He hooked an arm around my shoulders and pulled me to his side. “You couldn’t if you tried.”
“How did you get here so fast?” She picked up her phone, peered at the time. “That was only fifteen minutes. Wait. Sixteen.” Because my wife was alone and upset in a strange bar and speed limits don’t apply in those situations.
“You’re going to hurt yourself. I’m not light.” “I know my strength, sweetheart. Don’t you worry about me.”
“I need you to stop choosing inadequate people, Shay.”
He shook his head. “I’m not going to fuck this up by speaking.”
He kissed me like he’d been doing it for years, for always.
He set both hands on the counter, caging me there. “You have to be quiet. I can’t have you waking the kid.”
He had a glorious farmer’s tan,
SHES DOWN BAD NOOOO
“I want you to stay here,” I said. “I’m sure you can make it down the hill on your own but you shouldn’t. It’s late and you are the best thing that’s ever been in this bed and I want you to stay. With me.”
It felt like she was learning the topography, rushing to find everything she could and catalog it for safekeeping.
“Give me just a minute and I’ll come downstairs.” “Will Shay come too?” “Oh Jesus,” I muttered. “Yeah. She’ll come with me. Okay?”
“I’m going to borrow a shirt. Okay?” Still staring at my phone, I said, “Everything I have is yours.”
The at-home version of Shay was one of my favorites.
“Just because I can plow through by myself doesn’t mean I want to,” I said. “Fuck, Shay. Let me need you, okay?”
“Does it make me an idiot if I didn’t realize any of that until now?” “You’re not an idiot. You’re just accustomed to people failing you.”
“This is where you belong, Shay. This is the home and we are the family you’ve always wanted.”
“You belong here and you belong to me.”
“High school sweethearts” was Noah’s explanation to all their questions. It rolled right off his tongue, just the way it had with Christiane. I didn’t know how he did it. “Always known she was the one.” When that wasn’t enough, he was quick to add, “Didn’t waste a minute when she came back to town. I’d already wasted too many waiting for her to come home.”
She was somewhere else, just the way she’d been when she arrived in Friendship all those months ago. I needed her to wake up and come back to me. I needed her.
We waited at the door, Shay’s head lolling against my arm as I stroked her waist. “They’re coming,” she said after a minute. I kissed the top of her head. “I’m in no hurry.”
He swung his arm around my shoulders and tucked me close to his chest. “Let me take you home.” “Yeah,” I whispered. “Take me home.”
I reached for her hand. “You’re staying with me. Okay? I can’t handle losing both of my girls today.”
“Yeah, I don’t buy it.”
“What do you want us to do, Noah?” I pushed my fingers through my hair. “Should we stay married forever?” He lifted his shoulders. “And what’s wrong with that?”
“Everything about this is fake and we’re—” “Not everything.” He reached out and ran the back of his finger down the column of my neck, over the rise of my breasts. “It hasn’t been fake for a long time and you know that.”
“You’re not going to save anyone by running away. I’m wise to your game, wife. I know you think that’s going to solve all our problems but it’s not. Abandoning people before they abandon you won’t make anything better.”
“Wait, wait, wait. There is no way. Holy bananas, doll. Did he…name his farm after you?”
You let him love you.
“You just don’t see the way he looks at you. If you could, you’d know what I do, which is that he made up his mind a long, long time ago and he’s been waiting on you to make up yours.”
“I swear to you, I’m not changing my mind. I’m not letting you go. I couldn’t. Not after all these years.”
“So, why don’t you tell me what the hell you did the same thing, wife?” “It was my turn to save you, husband.” He pressed his lips to mine and I knew. This was all the proof I needed.
“You’re sleeping in here now,” he said, his arm around my shoulders.
