In a Jam (Friendship, RI Book 1)

by Kate Canterbary

“Don’t you think you should say something to your family?” He cleared his throat. “They won’t be coming. They already know. I told them last night.” Another throat clearing. Another turn signal. “After the rehearsal dinner.”

What the fuck??

I didn’t have to be perfect anymore, and that came as a strange sort of parting gift. A gift I hadn’t asked for and didn’t want. But I’d been fond of perfect. I’d liked that look for me. And I’d played by the rules of perfect. I’d done everything right. And none of it mattered.

“Is this it? Are we getting married?” Jaime asked.

I shook my head. “I wouldn’t do that to you.” “I’ll do it for you,” she repeated.

“The start of your villain era,” she said. “The ‘no fucks given, ask me if I care, throw out your whole life and start over just because you feel like it’ era.”

“And we have chickens too,” Gennie said, “but they’re dumb bitches.”

She gave me a serious stare. “Are there real fairies there?” “You’ll have to look for yourself.” She considered this for a second before handing her sword to Noah. “I don’t want to scare them,” she explained. “They might think I’m trying to conquer their land if I’m armed.”

“I’ll marry you.”

“Eva is serving a life sentence,” I said. “She killed a federal agent while moving drugs across the Canadian border for her asshole boyfriend. Had no idea it was a sting operation or that she’d committed a dozen federal crimes in the presence of undercover agents. Didn’t know how to use the gun the asshole boyfriend had given her either but she panicked and it turns out her aim is impeccable. She wounded three other agents in the process. It was an accident. A series of really fucking awful accidents and she will spend the rest of her life in prison while the asshole boyfriend has vanished into thin air.”

Because I couldn’t help myself, not for a single minute where this woman was involved, I called, “Let me know if you need me to marry you.”

there goes your wife.

“But Shay almost missed us,” she said. “And you told me to look for her with both eyeballs.”

As I turned, he roped an arm around my waist and leaned in close enough for his beard to scrape my cheek. What the hell? “I know it’s insane to ask this but if you can go along with me for five minutes, I will personally plow and plant your fields whenever you want it. Okay?” I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. Not when those words went in one ear and landed right between my legs. “Just follow my lead,” he whispered. “Please.”

Noah let out a breath and brushed his lips over my cheek. The only thing I could feel was heat, everywhere, all at once.

“I’m not sure. Is there something you’d share with me?” Only everything in the entire world.

I slipped both hands into her back pockets. It was an indulgence I hadn’t earned and didn’t deserve but we were committed to this game.

“Yeah,” Emme said to herself as she studied the ground. She crossed her arms over her torso. “Yeah, so, he’s in love with you.” “He adores everything about you,” Jaime added.

He shot a pointed look to Noah and then stared at me, his eyes round. His lips parted a few seconds before he spoke. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Just wait until Daddy Bread Baker gives you his baguette.”

He opened the folder, saying, “This is a standard prenuptial agreement that states both parties will retain the assets and liabilities they bring into the union. Since I’ve requested use of your assets—” Why did that sound filthy? “—I’ve added language indicating I’ll fairly compensate you—” And that. Dirty as hell.

“Here.” Noah reached into his trouser pocket and retrieved a brown string. “It’s twine,” he said as if he was apologizing. He took my hand. “We tie it around our jam jars. I had an extra piece and”—he kept his gaze low as he looped it around my fourth finger, tied a bow—“you don’t have to keep it.”

His ears were still burning and his cheeks were flushed from more than the heat. It was cute. My husband, the cutie.

“Bodies are extremely temporary and they’re the least interesting things about us. They carry us around while we’re on this earth and there’s nothing more I can ask from my body than that. I certainly wouldn’t spend any time worrying about the size or shape of anyone else’s body. Not when I could care about their heart and their mind instead.”

His hand warm on my waist, Noah said, “You were spectacular. I don’t know how you do that thing where you change their mind without telling them they’re wrong but I love you.” He blinked hard. “I mean, I love how you handle people. You saved me twice this morning and I don’t give a shit how much jam you move today, consider your fields plowed and planted.”

“Maybe there’s nothing you need,” I said, “but there’s something you want.” His ears turned a lovely shade of tomato.

Gennie piped up then. “You said you had to do something decent for Shay to make up for running into her house like an ape

and not minding your goddamn manners this morning.” She adjusted her eye patch to dangle from her neck. “You said you’d have to bring her a big fucking fruit basket. You said fucking. I didn’t say fucking. It was you. But I think a big...

Shay: The cute bartender said it’s Billy’s but also Woodchuckers. Shay: He says I can throw some axes if I want. He’ll set me up. Noah: Tell the cute bartender you’re married.

Noah: Stay where you are. Drink some water. Don’t touch any axes. Noah: Or bartenders.

“Sweetheart, I don’t have a single clue what you’re trying to do here but I know you need to stop spending all your time wondering what you did wrong when these half-assed people leave you. Stop giving yourself to people who have no hope of ever playing on your level. Stop chasing people who don’t know how to show up for you. It’s a waste of your time and so are they. Let them go. Let the door hit them on the ass on the way out. They’re the ones who fucked up. Not you.”

Don’t mourn the loss of people who don’t deserve you.”

“Allow me to make myself clear. I don’t give a pickled fuck how or why we came to be married. You are my wife. If you need some fun, you’ll call me. I’ll be the one taking care of you. I’ll give you anything you want, including a properly prepared gin and tonic. If you can’t accept that, you’re welcome to divorce me now.”

“Doll. I’ve heard every inch of this story. In my professional opinion, based upon the conclusive evidence I gathered with my own two eyes a couple of weeks ago, that boy adores you and he doesn’t know what to do about that. Also, he’s not great at speaking words. In case you haven’t noticed. He needs to put all his misery to good use and you need to bend over and take it.”

Tell her gow it is!!

“He is your husband,” she replied. “You might not be doing the picket fence thing but he can give you a ride home when you’re stuck in a sketchy bar without it being a great act of charity. Even if he wasn’t your husband, he’s your friend. You can and should expect him to be there for you when you need it.”

I could ask Nyomi to bake and frost a birthday cake for Shay and I would willingly admit the bakehouse prepared it because my culinary skills didn’t extend beyond canning and preserves. I didn’t have to do this simply because Jaime threatened to send the mafia after me. But I was going to do this. I was going to get it right.

She deserved everything, even if I couldn’t be the one to give it to her.

Shay: I’m home. Noah: Yes. It seems like you are.

A flashback of all the times I watched you go to festivals and dances and dates with someone else. All the times I never thought I’d get a chance to be the one taking you with me.

I’d been whispering mine into her skin the whole time.

“I was so happy when he outgrew that ugly duckling phase. I knew his moment was coming.”

Seriously??

Gennie loudly sucked every trace of pudding off her spoon. “These balls feel really big in my mouth.”

“Now that I’ve tried it, I think I like the big balls,” Gennie said. “I can bite them!” I caught Shay’s eye and we burst out laughing together.

“This is where you belong, Shay. This is the home and we are the family you’ve always wanted.”

It was then, with her even breath warm on my bicep and her hair tickling my chest, I whispered, “Love you, wife.”

I felt like I’d been waiting a very long time for someone who knew how to shatter me and also wanted to pick up all the pieces.

“And I thought you were going to drop some weight. You didn’t.”

The nerve on this guy 👿👿

A shadow fell over the table and a hand yanked Xavier up by the shirt. “Let her go before I rip your fucking arm off.”

Yesss, take both of them

“Gennie’s missing,”

“I love you. I mean, I fucking love you, Shay. I’ve loved you for years upon fucking years and none of the garbage leftover from your ex or your mother or anyone else is going to change that. You will not change that.”