8 Rules of Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go

by Jay Shetty

Set a Good Example Another guru quality that Kripamoya das lists is sthira dhiyam, meaning that the mind remains firmly fixed, even in difficult situations. This means the guru should try to behave in an exemplary way. Radhi wanted me to go to the gym and to eat right, but she didn’t nag me about it. Rather, she guided me to a healthier lifestyle by living it herself. She doesn’t cut corners in her own practice, and I wouldn’t have switched my habits if she hadn’t been so consistent in her own commitment. The guru doesn’t model good habits because they’re trying to preach or instruct or brag, but because it makes them joyful and happy.

TRY THIS: HELP YOUR PARTNER KNOW THEIR GOALS Instead of telling your partner what their goals should be and how to reach them, ask them three questions. 1. What’s really important to you right now? 2. What do you need to get there? 3. Is there anything I can do to help you? In this way, you let your partner lead themselves to their answers. Understanding your partner’s goals without editing them to suit yours is one of the greatest gifts you can give someone.

PASSIONS Ask yourself questions to identify your passions. If you could be paid to do anything, what would it be? Are there hobbies you loved as a kid but don’t do anymore? Do you have a hidden talent? Have you seen someone else that you consider to have your dream job? Is there something you’d be doing if you weren’t limited by where or how you live? Is there something you used to be good at that you miss? Is there a talent you haven’t been able to pursue lately?

we’ve already discussed, you should thank your partner for cooking for you. You should thank your partner for moving the car so that you could leave on time. You should thank your partner for calling to check in. You should thank your partner for putting gas in the car. You should thank your partner for changing the batteries in the smoke alarm. You should thank your partner for going back to the other room to turn out the lights before bed. Why would we not take these opportunities? The more attention we pay to our partners, the more we appreciate their thoughtfulness and the more likely we are to respond in kind.

This healing looks different than you think. Because once your heart is broken, some part of it wwill always remain so. But this is not a sad thing. It is beautiful, because this brokenness is an aspect of love. Perhaps you feel lonely, but it is an illusion. The pain you feel right now actually connects you more deeply to all of humanity. You may in some way have lost one person, but you have gained the world.

Sannyasa, the goal is simply this: to look beyond the self to how we can serve others. To experience love constantly by choosing to give it to others always. To find love in moments of frustration, annoyance, anger, and dismay, when it seems out of reach. To create more loving connections with every person we meet.

To feel love for all humanity. Love means noticing that everyone is worthy of love and treating them with the respect and dignity their humanity automatically makes them deserve.

When you accept who you are and what you want, you’re less likely to be triggered by someone else’s opinion of you or perception of your ideas.

If you like a clean house, you keep it clean whether you have guests or not—it makes it a more pleasant place for you to live. The same is true when you create a loving environment in your heart. You do it for yourself, no matter who receives or returns it. You don’t mess your house up if someone messy comes in. You don’t fill your heart with hate because someone hateful enters your radius. You want to live in a house of love.

As you scale your love, you will encounter dissent. The more people you serve, the more will disagree with you. If you’re on a neighborhood watch group, there might be one or two people who don’t like your ideas. If you’re on the city council, as you do an increasing amount of work in the community, more people will dislike or disagree with you. If you’re the president of the United States, nearly half the country will be against you. If you find yourself dealing with more conflicting opinions, recognize that they’re proportionate to the journey you’re on. Inspire Strangers