8 Rules of Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go

by Jay Shetty

It’s nice to exchange opinions with someone about a movie, class, or lecture, but when you attend by yourself, you practice developing your ideas and opinions without the influence of someone else’s taste.

confidence as a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.

You’ll want a partner who respects not only your goals, but why they are your goals.

This goal should be tied to action items, not an achievement.

If we don’t understand ourselves, we risk taking on the tastes and values of our partner.

Self-control is the time and space you create between the moment when you’re attracted to something and the moment you react to it.

We treat our partners like human Advil, looking to them for instant relief.

If we’re always turning toward others to help us tune how we feel, we’ll stay more like that infant who is incapable of self-soothing and self-supporting.

Karma is more about the mindset in which we make a decision.

We love others in response to the way we’ve been loved by others.

What did your younger self need to hear that you were never told?

If your parents loved you, you might become a good and kind person. Or you might hold those you meet to an impossible standard of love.

Karma will bring you the same lesson through a different person again and again until you change.

We make the mistake of assigning qualities to people based on their abilities.

It’s important to put out the version of yourself that you want someone to be attracted to, as opposed to the version of yourself that you think someone would be attracted to.

We want to build relationships where we are loved for what we love in ourselves.

GIVE YOURSELF WHAT YOU WANT TO RECEIVE

To wake up and hope the day will be great is outsourcing the day.

when we accept someone else’s love, we have to realize that they aren’t using our definition of love.

vulnerability leads to reciprocal, escalating self-disclosure.

creating something together is better than wanting the same thing.

The guru is focused on the behavior’s cause, not its consequence.

The guru will never ask the student to do something that they’re not comfortable doing themselves.

There’s an old saying, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”

Humility is honoring other people’s skills, abilities, and growth rather than dishonoring your own.

Dharma is not so much about any particular activity—it’s more about why you do that activity,

Purpose insulates and protects our self-esteem,

A couple’s approach to their dharmas should be like that of the assistant acrobat: “You go do what you need to do, while I go do what I need to do.”

the happiest couples are those who can move past their initial obsession with each other to prioritize their own pursuits and goals.

Dreams don’t have to be big; they just have to be yours.

We complain when people are late, but we never thank them for being on time.

But no matter how compatible a couple is, to live in conflict-free bliss isn’t love, it’s avoidance.

Keeping the peace often comes at the expense of honesty and understanding.

we should fight with our partner not out of ego, but because we want to protect and build a beautiful future.

When my wife and I see ourselves as a team fighting against the problem, we crush the problem.

In order for a couple to win together, you must be acting out of love and the desire to be a team with your partner.

The conflict won’t go away until we identify and address its true source.

If we treat every scratch like an earthquake, we put unnecessary stress on the relationship. In other words, pettiness stretches scratches into cracks.

Love is recognizing that the challenge might be connected to a quality that draws us to our partner.

If you don’t give an emotion the attention it deserves, it amplifies.

We accept less than we deserve in favor of security. We cling to familiar pain.

If you have an intrusive thought, ask yourself, do I like this thought? Is this thought useful? Is this thought insightful? Is this thought helping me move forward?

Meet people with love even when they don’t meet you with love.