8 Rules of Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go

by Jay Shetty

love has stages, that love is a process, and that we all desire to love and be loved.

we prepare for love by learning how to love ourselves in solitude. Alone, we learn to understand ourselves, to heal our own pain, and to care for ourselves. We acquire skills like compassion, empathy, and patience (Rule 1). This prepares us to share love because we’ll need these qualities when we love someone else.

We will also examine our past relationships to avoid making the same mistakes in relationships going forward (Rule 2).

Loneliness makes us rush into relationships; it keeps us in the wrong relationships; and it urges us to accept less than we deserve.

Solitude helps you recognize that there is a you before, a you during, and a you after every relationship, forging your own way even when you have company and love.

control is the time and space you create between the moment when you’re attracted to something and the moment you react to it.

You want to go on a journey with someone, not to make them your journey.

The impressions we form in our youth tell us what love should look like and feel like.

In our search for love, we subconsciously try to repeat or repair our past experiences. We imitate or reject.

If there is a gap in how our parents raised us, we look to others to fill it. And if there is a gift in how our parents raised us, we look to others to give us the same.

We think of feeling appreciated, respected, and loved as core needs in a relationship, but when we attend to these needs for ourselves in small ways every day, then we don’t have to wait for our partner to deliver them through a grand gesture.

Set aside three minutes before you start your day and three minutes at the end of your day to make sure you’re filling your own gaps.

We need to make mistakes, identify what we need to change, and work on doing better. This is where we grow as individuals and together.

You can leave the relationship, in which case you realize this person doesn’t suit your priorities. You can work through the issue together and grow, in which case you realize you’re feeling positive enough about your bond to evolve together. Or you can stay together without changing anything, in which case you don’t realize anything.

A guru offers guidance without judgment, wisdom without ego, love without expectation.

Love is not just compliance or trade. Love is working through it together.

Wanting to help our partner should not be confused with wanting to control our partner.